Sunday 18 September 2016

How to ruin a second chance with a girl: a narrated guide!


They say that there is never a second chance to give a first impression. But, after being granted a second shot by dreadlocks girl, I was feeling confident that I could change the misconstrued womanizer image she had of me after my unfortunate texting mistake (read past posts: Chatting up in the queue for the toilets & Chatting up from the distance). However, despite of the fact that we regained contact, I didn’t manage to arrange a face-to-face encounter with her to redeem my faux pass until…
 
One Friday night, I was going out for a drink with some friends, when I bumped into dreadlocks girl in the queue at a lesbian bar. She was standing in front of the bar in the smoking area with a few other people. When she saw that my friends and I joined the queue, she came straight to us.

“Hello Casanova…” She said to me.

“Hey!” I responded shortly hiding my excitement and expressing little emotion about her greetings. I was surprised by her sudden flattery as, after weeks of unsuccessful attempts from my side to grab her attention by text, I was ready to give up on my wooing.

“I haven’t seen you in a while, you look very cute tonight” She continued.

Why she is so suddenly so into me? I am dreaming? Have I changed my deodorant brand or something? She is probably very drunk…

“You know… I think that you should get me that drink tonight” She said touching her dreadlocks.
After a few seconds of paralyzing silence, and a couple of nudges from my friend that helped my brain to land back into the situation, I finally reacted:

 “Sure! I’ll be happy to get you a drink, are you coming in?” I said walking forward in the quickly advancing queue.

“Yeah! I’m going to finish this up and I and my friends will be inside in a sec” She said lifting up her cigarette and pointing at her small group of friends that were standing on the side.

“Cool… what can I get you?” I said showing my ID to the bouncer at the same time.

“A beer will be nice. Thanks!” She said smiling and playing again with one of her front dreadlocks.
“See you inside” I said from the door.

My friends rapidly scattered between the bathroom queue and the dancing floor as soon as we got in, so I decided to make my way to the bar and order two beers. After wandering around with the drinks in my hands through the packed dance floor, I got worried about being missed by dreadlocks girl, so I made my way back to the safe and well-illuminated bar where I could also have a better view of the door.

I can’t believe that she approached me tonight! She was so direct and confident! What would she want from me… (apart from a free drink)? I’m confused…

I waited at the bar for a while, pretending to move along with the music, but she was not showing up.
It isn’t the right song for her to come through the crowd anyway… I kept on thinking as if her appearance had to match the reunion epic moment from a romantic Hollywood movie.

Tune after tune I kept on slowly drinking my beer but she was still not coming in.
Being alone in a social crowd always makes me uncomfortable. As I was drinking slowly, the feeling of being a stood-up loser started to emerge.

Was this some kind of revenge? Did she want to teach me a lesson or something?

Graffiti of dripping hearts found in Brighton (signed by Maleska). Picture taken August 2016.

 As I was finishing my beer, holding dreadlocks girl’s beer untouched one in my other hand, a tall blond girl approached me.

“It looks as if you have been stood up” She said looking at my two drinks and my very likely miserable facial expression.

“Yeah, thanks… I noticed that” I responded. Her words were the confirmation of my deepest fears: dreadlocks girl was just playing with me! I’m just a joke! I’m the looser girl that has been stood up tonight!

“It’s a pity because you are very cute!” She continued.

Her chatting up strategy consisting of making me feel vulnerable and lifting me up after with some praising seemed strange to me, but at least it lead her to grab my attention.

“Pretty girls should not be allowed to walk alone in a bar like these… there are many vultures around that might take advantage of an innocent girl like you” the Blond girl said while slowly approaching her way to me like a scavenger.

Her old-school straight-men-like compliments, although secretly appreciated, were not sinking very well with my current stomach knot.

“Thanks, but I’m not in the mood” I curtly responded.

But the blonde girl kept insisting, so I surrendered and engaged in a friendly conversation for a few minutes with her. I accepted the fact that, after probably more than an hour of waiting, dreadlocks girl was not going to show up and so, an innocent self-esteem booster talk with a stranger couldn’t not harm.

After a few seconds, I could see that the blonde girl and I were not a match. She was studying at the police academy to become a detective and talked and moved as straight a man that had grown up in the XIX century. But somehow, I found her strangely amusing.

“I support the right-wing you know…” She said at some point in an attempt to express the fact that she was a hetero-normative traditional lesbian by displaying her political interests.

“I think that I should find my friends…” I said moving my arm in the direction of the dance floor. I had no interest in chatting about politics with some blonde right-wing chick after being stood up by my dreadlocks dream girl, so I initiated my escape plan.

At that moment, and out of the blue, the tall blond Tory (republican) launched herself towards me landing with her lips on my lips. I froze for a few seconds before I pushed her away. The drink that I was holding for dreadlocks girl got spilt all over her white shirt with the manoeuvre.

“What are you doing?” I said pushing her away. I was utterly disoriented as I was not expecting a kissing attack from the old fashion future police agent.

“I thought that we were getting along, I’m sorry, I…!” She replied while shaking the beer off herself.

“I…. I’m sorry about the beer…” I said while passing her some napkins that I grabbed from the bar.

“I probably should go now…” I said pushing my way through the crowd.

Plaster sculpture framed of different pussies displayed in Brighton. Picture taken in January 2013.
When I found my friends on the dance floor, I tapped one of them on the shoulder.

“I think that I’m going to go home… dreadlocks girl hasn’t shown up and I’m not feeling good and…” I started to feel very vulnerable. On one side, I was feeling played by dreadlocks girl and, on the other, I felt harassed by the conservative kissing attacker.

“What are you talking about? She was on her way to the bar but you were making out with that tall chick… so she turned around and left” My friend said.

“WHAT?  Are you serious? How can this happen?” I could not believe what my friend was describing.

The idea of my life following a Hollywood movie plot had come true in a very much unexpected way.

“What brand of deodorant you are wearing tonight? You seem to be on fire!” My friend commented.

I explained to my friend the no consented kiss at the bar and she rushed me to go outside to see if I could catch dreadlocks girl at the door. When I went outside she was gone. I tried to call her but she didn’t pick up. I send her a message explaining again another misunderstanding, but as expected, I got no answer….

However, I knew that sooner or later, we would bump into each other and I was ready to beg her for a third chance…

To be continued...