Few weeks ago, I went
on a date with a girl that I met on #HER, a new dating app for women. I wasn’t very
keen on trying one more time online dating after my past failures (just read any of my previous post such as Two online dates in one night or my post about the dark side of online dating). But, this 2017 I was feeling overly optimistic, just
as a Canadian on a summer day. I guess that after reading the book “Raising
Strong” from Brené Brown I was mentally ready for a new challenge
The quote from the book
that made go back to online dating again and make the effort of meeting up with a stranger
instead of binge watching another Netflix series comfortably from my sofa was:
“Vulnerability is not winning or losing, its
having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control of the
outcome”
I can do this! I thought to myself when I read it. I can have the courage to show up and be seen!
Since I love a good
“self-motivational” quote from any TEDTalk guru, a few days later, there I was,
at the White Rabbit (the pub where I take most of my dates), grabbing a drink with a complete stranger, hoping that the
universe would aligned and love would magically emerge...
And it sort of did… I
confess that I haven’t had a date as good as that one in a very long time… She was funny,
cultivated, pretty and, she seemed to be very caring with her friends and
family judging from the stories that she narrated me during our date. What else can I ask for in a woman?
At the end of the
date, just when we were about to say goodbye, she kissed me briefly on the
lips.
WOW! I wasn’t expecting that!
That kiss just move our date up to the top of my mental “first dates chart”.
Before we walk away in separate paths I asked her if she wanted to meet up with me again. However,
we didn’t have to make any formal arrangements for a second encounter as, it
turned out that we both had tickets to the same event: the #HER party that was
happening in two days! As a result, we agreed to “informally” meet up there.
Two days later, I was
on my way to the party. I confess that it took me a lot of mental effort to get
ready and make my way there as I was going on my own because none of my queer friends were available that night. However, I decided to embrace my newly
courageous mind-set and “show up and be
seen” even when I had “no control of
the outcome”.
I didn’t know for sure if she, my date, was going to come or not, or if she maybe had plans already with a different date... But I was hoping
that, after living (and dating) in Brighton for almost 7 years, at least I would
bump into a few acquaintances so I could maybe share a drink with some fellow
queer women.
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| Picture taken at the HER party in Brighton. 4th of February 2017. |
When I arrived, the
party was half full and getting crowded by the minute. Everyone seem to be in a
group, dancing, chatting, drinking… but I was on my own, feeling very small and
vulnerable.
I made my way to the
bar, ordered a beer and looked around. I saw happy faces,
chatting, dancing, drinking… everyone had company but I was alone, paralyzed and unable to start up a conversation.
At that moment, I
decided that I had two options, whether to keep feeling powerless and scared throughout
the rest of the night or take the evening as an opportunity to meet up new people, enjoy
myself and relax. I confess that the beer helped me to choose the
later option.
As I was going around the room
in circles, pretending that I was looking for my imaginary friends and ignoring
my inner fears, I bumped into an acquaintance. My “almost-friend” was a team
member of the Brighton Rockers and so, she introduced me to the derby team and I
mingled with them. They turned out to be very fun and so, I spend most of
my evening chatting, drinking and dancing with them. Nevertheless, there were no signs
of my date from two days ago...
A couple of hours
later, I saw her entering in the club. It would have been impossible to miss
her as she was very tall, 6ft of a woman to be precise. For a “petite” girl like
me that needs to jump up frantically to be able to reach the top kitchen
cupboard, she was a bit of a giant… but a very nice and attractive one.
I approached her soon
after I saw her. We chatted for a bit, but she seemed to be very keen on going
back to her friends so, I let her go...
Maybe she is not that into me... I thought. However, she kept on checking me
out from the distance every now and then…
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| LOVE GANGSTERS - Street Art found on the North Lanes in Brighton. Picture taken in February 2017. |
I was a bit confused….
Does she like me or does she not? Why did
she kiss me two days ago but is ignoring me now? Why does she keep on looking
at me if she totally blew me off when I approached her? I don’t understand...
I decided to shut my inner monologue up and just have a good time with my new roller derby friends. I ignored the fact that my date, the one that positively surprised me with a kiss two days ago, was evading me… but the night wasn’t over yet and there were a lot of surprises and a plot twists yet to come…
To be continued...
