Trying to find a feeling by taking a shortcut and planning to spend some short (but often uncomfortable) time with a stranger is not working for me. I'm not saying that love can not be found in the cyberspace, I know a few couples that have met online but, I've come to the conclusion that, for me, online dating is missing something...
Perhaps, is missing the excitement that the uncertainty of not knowing when that feeling is going to bloom that real life brings..... When planning an online date with a stranger, were are scheduling that love might or might not be happening at a particular time (usually after 19) and a particular place (usually in one of the cafes at Kensington Gardens). That 'love-planing process' brings a lot of pressure and awkwardness and doesn't help to create an ideal environment for spontaneity... I seem to work better out of pressure...
For example, a few nights ago around 4 am, I woke up with the structure of the next chapter for my PhD on my mind... I had to switch on the lights and grab some post-its as my mind was on fire and ready to shoot me some good ideas... So, if the feeling of creativity comes as a flow that you need to grab according to my experience (and also according to Elizabeth Gilbert), love might also come as a stream of energy that I'm not able to feel in the restricted and forced conditions of a date with a stranger.....
Therefore, this year, I've decided to stop forcing love... In 2015 I'm going to give it a try and collect only first real impressions of people instead of swiping right and left on a phone screen... Profile pictures never show the real person, usually, they are only frozen frames that have been strategically chosen and/or are distorted from reality with Photoshop or some other sort of Instagram filter to create a fake impression of how someone wants to be perceived..... I wonder why everyone online seem to have a picture with sunglasses when the eyes are the door to someone's soul?
Another thing that online dating is missing for me is the day-to-day spontaneous encounters... A few nights ago, some friends and I were trying to determine the conditions of when and how we have felt love in the past and, we all agreed that love always started when we casually bumped repeatedly into someone in informal situations such as a film club, friends of friends parties, the water fountain at the office or at that Friday morning seminar.... it seems that meeting someone free of 'romantic objectives' and out of 'your life plans' are the key ingredients for romance......
Moreover, when meeting someone online, the single and available status is already assumed, however, when the encounter happens in real life, there is a lack of information that might leave us wondering if that girl, or that boy with whom we have shared a brief connection was flitting or not and so, finding their relationship status becomes our next mission...
I have collected very nice experiences in the past from the online dating world however, in 2015 I want to start collecting more 'offline real life' experiences and less fake and forced 'online dating' ones...
Where is my Cinderella?
Lonely shoe found at Brighton Beach (2014)
Lonely shoe found at Brighton Beach (2014)
PD: This is not the end of my blog, I have a few stories queuing up (online and offline) waiting to be narrated... However, I might rename the blog to include my offline stories in the title...
