So, if you remember my previous post 'I'm not an emotional robot', I've been having a teenage crush on a girl from work. However, I need to confess that the reason why I have done online dating in the past is due to my uncontrollable phobia of asking "real-life-offline people" out. The fear of real-life rejection has been getting in my way over the years and my poor attempts at asking someone out have been a disaster.
The pattern of my social incompetence in real life goes as follows... I meet a girl (at uni, work or another social context) and I'm able to have a normal co-worker/peer/friend relationship until I realize that I like the person and then, I become a complete weirdo at interacting with her and, of course, at asking her out and so, any attempt of approaching her in a relaxed situation, tent to fail catastrophically.
The current story has followed this pattern. I met this girl at work and, when I realized that I liked her, I became awkward and unable to maintain a normal conversation. I DID ask her out at the end (which was already an achievement) but, despite the fact that she said YES initially, she never set up a date for our dinner. She said that she was busy that week and that we should plan something for the week after... the following week, I asked her again obtaining the same answer...
I let her space and a few weeks later, I interpreted her evasive answers as 'I like you as a friend and therefore, I said YES to your dinner invitation but, I'm not able to set a date since I'm confused about whether you meant a date-date or not'. So, I assumed that if she would have had any real interest in me, she would have to go to the dinner anyway just 'to see what happens'. But if she wasn't interested, she was just going to continue avoiding the dinner and therefore, there was not going to be a date. I made peace with the situation (see video below) and with the "you have NO messages" answer and started to move on Bridget Jones style (see the video below):
However, one day, she came into my office wanting to have a chat with me about a work-related issue. We went for coffee and after explaining to me her work-related problem, she mentioned that she suffers from anxiety and this has created a lot of issues in the past. She mentioned that she wanted to go WITH ME (she stressed these words or at least they sounded pretty loud in my mind) to a concert that I also invited her few weeks after the dinner invitation to perhaps, approach her in a more relaxed environment, but she couldn't go because, again, she wasn't available. I didn't know if I had to interpret her anxieties as an excuse for her partially-rejections to my invitations. I offered her a hug since she was in distress about her work issue and, as I was leaving, I asked her again to go for dinner with me sometime... She (again) said: "Yes BUT, perhaps next week?".
The following week, after not receiving any news about my third (maybe fourth?) invitation, I asked her again informally when I bumped into her in the corridor and added that I was not going to ask her again. She then replied that she really wanted to go BUT again she was busy that week too, to which
I replied "sure, just let me know..."
Weeks passed and the awkwardness of the situation picked... We bump into each other all the time at work but I am unable to ask her again or simply maintain a normal conversation and she seems to be following the same pattern. In the end, I know that there are still a lot of uncertainties in the air to fully understand why she keeps replying "yes, but..." to my invitations... I still don't know if she is gay or bi (however my gaydar says YES quite loudly... but you never know these days....) and I also haven't made a statement about my tendencies either, so she might feel confused about my invitation...
In any case, my insecurities at talking to pretty girls and my fear of real-life rejection have prevented me from having a normal conversation with her after I asked her out and so, from getting some clarification on her replies. I have been running away whenever I bumped into her at work.... few times, I've managed to initiate small talk but, I ended up running away as soon as she talks back to me...
Today for example, after an intense and award long silence, I asked her about her weekend and when she replied and asked me about mine, I gave a short and vague answer and run away again... What is wrong with me?
Should I go back to online dating due to the fact that I can't ask real-life people out...??? Or should I work on my issues and 'man up' and try to see if there is something there....??? How do you overcome love-related anxieties and shyness???
Advice from my readers might be required.....!!!!
Just like the Brighton Pier these days, I feel "under construction"...
