The dark side of online dating...

Dating in the XXI century should be easier than ever before. With the support of new mobile phones applications like Tinder, OkCupid, PlentyOfFish or Grindr, finding single people in your area with similar interests should be a piece of cake. However, the percentage of "singles" in most developed countries keeps increasing year after year... (See statistics for UK or USA) What is happening?

Capturing the complexity of our society with all of its nuances and possible explanations for each "single" individual it is a complicated task (and definitely not the aim of this post). Also, several social changes regarding marriage and family units are also happening and affecting the way "we mate" nowadays. Nevertheless, new technologies are also shaping the way we approach dating today. So, even if I am a full supporter of technological improvements, there are a few negative ways in which technology, instead of helping us find love, might be contributing to the current "singles plague".

Have you ever wondered why if new technologies can help us connect to nearby available mating partners there are now more "singles" than ever?

The illusion of abundance vs. the scarce reality: Most internet applications can provide us with a big list of possible matches in an area. However, in reality, finding, someone that shares our world views, fits our "future life partner" standards and is ready to commit might be a bit more challenging to find.

This illusion of abundance leads us to what it has been identified in consumer behaviour as The Paradox of Choice: "There is a cost to having an overload of choice. As a culture, we are enamoured of freedom, self-determination, and variety, and we are reluctant to give up any of our options. But clinging tenaciously to all the choices available to us contributes to bad decisions, to anxiety, stress, and dissatisfaction – even to clinical depression.” (Barry Schwartz, The paradox of choice).

The illusion of an abundance of online potential mating partners makes us more reluctant to commit and also to be more dissatisfied with any taken choice. Thanks Tinder!

Proximity vs. Similarities: Back in the old days, couples commonly met through friends and relatives. Meeting someone from your social environment tended to be a guarantee of some sort of commonalities regarding hobbies, education, social background, or some other characteristics (i.e. it is a fact that a friend of a friend will have more in common with you than a complete stranger). However, the free market of internet dating tends to match people through proximity and attractiveness, lacking sometimes the connection to your current social reality and your personal sense of identity. It is true that some websites claim to use sophisticated psychological tests to match couples or try to identify common connections. But in the end, we judge strangers through their pictures and decide whether to go on a date with them or not based on their attractiveness and our current available free time. No wonder why most internet stories are short...

To sum up, I believe that the illusion of abundance and the fact that couples are matched based on attractiveness makes the business of finding a partner in the online world a bit more difficult than the "good old" offline dating... However, perhaps adjusting our expectations and being prepared to meet strangers that might not have anything in common with us, might prevent some disappointment in dating in the online world.

Anyway... Whatever way you chose to date, just keep calm.... (and be a Hipster, but only if you want!).

Keep Calm and Be a Hipster! Picture taken in Istanbul 2015.