A final taste of heaven...

After meeting up with the girl of my dreams one Friday night but screwing up my chances with her not once, but twice in a row in a very comical and socially awkward way (read previous posts to catch up with the story: Chatting up in the queue of the toilets, Chatting up from the distance and, How to ruin a second chance with a girl: a narrated guide), I had little expectations about getting a third chance with dreadlocks girl. I was ready to accept that “what starts off with the wrong foot will most likely end in a stumble” so I decided to move on and carry on with my life.

Nevertheless, despite the many online dates and the few other flirtations around, I was not able to find any girl that matched dreadlocks girl. She was not only the type of person that I would want as a partner, a humble and caring social worker, but she was physically perfect in my eyes. Just a note to my readers, she was perhaps not objectively incredibly attractive, a few of my friends commented that they did not think that she was pretty, but beauty is subjective and to me, she was a goddess. She had the kind of face that I could stare at for an eternity and a strange halo that appeared around her figure every time I looked at her. In my quest to find love around the city, I could not seem to find anyone that replicated that effect on me.

Perhaps we just want to have what we can’t, and my platonic obsession with dreadlocks girl was only a reflection of my self-sabotaging mind. When it comes to love, being unhappy was my comfort zone. All of my past attempts at romantic relationships took place in the suffering area where rejection, non-reciprocation and disappointment were my best friends. My brain probably kept feeding into the idea that dreadlocks girl was perfect just because I could not have her and I was very aware of that paradox.

In any case, during the next two years of my life, I saw her a few times in clubs and bars around the scene. Unfortunately, I never had the opportunity to approach her and beg for a third chance as she always seemed to be in the company of the same girl (and judging by the way that they interacted I figured that they were a “long term-thing”). Nevertheless, we never stopped greeting each other every time we crossed paths and we even hold short conversations in the bathroom and club queues (for a change) a few times.

Girls 4 Pride. Street Art found in Brighton. Picture taken in August 2016.

But one night, just after I decided to move back to my beloved Brighton I got a third chance to make amends with her.

It was about 3 a.m. and I was leaving the club on my own after a very emotional farewell when I heard someone calling me from the smoking area:

“Hey Cassanova… !!!” Dreadlocks girl said trying to grab my attention as I was walking by with my head down trying to leave the club unnoticed.

“Hey! Where are you going???” She insisted. I was not in the mood for a chat with her that night after having such an emotional and wonderful night with my friends, but I finally turned around.

“I’m going home!” I said sharply and continued walking avoiding any type of eye contact with her so she would not notice my watery eyes.

“Are you OK?” She asked putting down her cigarette and stepping outside the smoking area following my steps.

“Yeah…. I’m just… I’m moving away next week for work and I’m not sure now that I’ve made the right decision  and…” I started to reply but stopped as soon as I noticed that my voice got emotional and I felt a tear running down my cheek.

“Hey, do you want to talk about it?” She said while passing her arm around me in a very comforting way. I was unsure of why she would even care in the first place, but her warm gesture and trustworthy gaze made me stay and ventilate all of my emotions right there outside the club.

I told her about my dilemma between pursuing my dream career (doing a PhD and becoming an academic) or staying in the city and working in an unbearable marketing job but being surrounded by my amazing friends and family. She was very understanding. Perhaps due to her professional training as a social worker and her undergraduate degree in psychology, she was able to offer me some interesting perspectives about my life-changing decision. She told me that she had to make that same choice once and that she went for achieving her dreams (in her case it was to help the world by becoming an awesome, very caring and, ultimately a very cool social worker). She said that my friends and family would always be there for me, but that my chances of doing what I wanted were likely to come only once.

“If you miss your train now, you might never get a second ticket…” She said while holding her hand on my shoulder.

“That’s very true… I missed my chances with you and I never got to another one” I replied.

WHAT? Did those words just come out of my mouth? 

I guess that as I was leaving for good the week after, I had nothing to lose and my brain just decided to start shooting out the truth.

“Yeah… you messed up a bit back then…” She replied smiling. It was still incomprehensible to me why she was taking her time in the first place to console me after all of my screws up. Her kindness made her even more desirable to me.

“Can I kiss you?” I suddenly said.

WHAT???? I am going nuts???? Did I just ask her permission for a kiss??? Well... at least I’m not a kiss attacker like the conservative-right-wing chick that ruined my second chance with her I guess…

Street Art piece found in Brighton. Picture taken in August 2016.

 An intense and long silence followed my words.

I interpreted her non-responsiveness and intense gaze as a positive sign so, I prepared myself to kiss her.

“I….” She started to reply as I was launching myself towards her lips.

I kissed her and she kissed me back. It was a perfect kiss, not too long, not too shot, and just about the right amount of tongue and emotional investment. I got to a taste of heaven for about a minute or so.

I looked at her deeply again and smiled.

“I… I got a girlfriend” She dubiously said and looked away.

“That’s all right… I’m moving away for good next week anyway… I assumed a while ago that we were not going to happen but I just wanted to kiss you before leaving…” I said very confidently. I was amazed at my brave behaviour and calm response. I guess that the few gin & tonics that I consumed that night might have helped.

She stared at me for a minute in silence not really knowing what to say next. I could see in her eyes that she might have felt something special after that kiss and that perhaps, she was now wondering about what we could have been, just as I did every time that I bumped into her over the past two years. 

At that moment, I saw a cab approaching in the distance and jumped towards the road.

“I… I’m going to take that cab… If I miss the chance to get a ride now, I might not get another one…” I said winking my eye and rushing to make a sign for the driver to stop.

I knew that finding an available taxi in that neighbourhood at that particular time was rare. So, I decided to put in place dreadlocks girl’s own recommendation about taking the opportunities when they were in front of me. I needed to look forward to the future now so I jumped into the cab with my head high and waved goodbye.

Dreadlocks girl did not turn out to be “my one”, but at least I got a taste of heaven and I will keep that moment in my memory forever.

The End.

PS: Despite the surrealism of the story, this is a true story and it happened as it has been narrated!

How to ruin a second chance with a girl: a narrated guide!

They say that there is never a second chance to give a first impression. But, after being granted a second shot by dreadlocks girl, I was feeling confident that I could change the misconstrued womanizer image she had of me after my unfortunate texting mistake (read past posts: Chatting up in the queue for the toilets & Chatting up from the distance). However, despite of the fact that we regained contact, I didn’t manage to arrange a face-to-face encounter with her to redeem my faux pass until…
 

One Friday night, I was going out for a drink with some friends, when I bumped into dreadlocks girl in the queue at a lesbian bar. She was standing in front of the bar in the smoking area with a few other people. When she saw that my friends and I joined the queue, she came straight to us.

“Hello Casanova…” She said to me.

“Hey!” I responded shortly hiding my excitement and expressing little emotion about her greetings. I was surprised by her sudden flattery as, after weeks of unsuccessful attempts from my side to grab her attention by text, I was ready to give up on my wooing.

“I haven’t seen you in a while, you look very cute tonight” She continued.

Why she is so suddenly so into me? I am dreaming? Have I changed my deodorant brand or something? She is probably very drunk…

“You know… I think that you should get me that drink tonight” She said touching her dreadlocks.

After a few seconds of paralyzing silence, and a couple of nudges from my friend that helped my brain to land back into the situation, I finally reacted:

 “Sure! I’ll be happy to get you a drink, are you coming in?” I said walking forward in the quickly advancing queue.

“Yeah! I’m going to finish this up and I and my friends will be inside in a sec” She said lifting up her cigarette and pointing at her small group of friends that were standing on the side.

“Cool… what can I get you?” I said showing my ID to the bouncer at the same time.

“A beer will be nice. Thanks!” She said smiling and playing again with one of her front dreadlocks.

“See you inside” I said from the door.

My friends rapidly scattered between the bathroom queue and the dancing floor as soon as we got in, so I decided to make my way to the bar and order two beers. After wandering around with the drinks in my hands through the packed dance floor, I got worried about being missed by dreadlocks girl, so I made my way back to the safe and well-illuminated bar where I could also have a better view of the door.

I can’t believe that she approached me tonight! She was so direct and confident! What would she want from me… (apart from a free drink)? I’m confused…

I waited at the bar for a while, pretending to move along with the music, but she was not showing up.

It isn’t the right song for her to come through the crowd anyway… I kept on thinking as if her appearance had to match the reunion epic moment from a romantic Hollywood movie.

Tune after tune I kept on slowly drinking my beer but she was still not coming in.

Being alone in a social crowd always makes me uncomfortable. As I was drinking slowly, the feeling of being a stood-up loser started to emerge.

Was this some kind of revenge? Did she want to teach me a lesson or something?

Graffiti of dripping hearts found in Brighton (signed by Maleska). Picture taken August 2016.

 As I was finishing my beer, holding dreadlocks girl’s beer untouched one in my other hand, a tall blond girl approached me.

“It looks as if you have been stood up” She said looking at my two drinks and my very likely miserable facial expression.

“Yeah, thanks… I noticed that” I responded. Her words were the confirmation of my deepest fears: dreadlocks girl was just playing with me! I’m just a joke! I’m the looser girl that has been stood up tonight!

“It’s a pity because you are very cute!” She continued.

Her chatting up strategy consisting of making me feel vulnerable and lifting me up after with some praising seemed strange to me, but at least it lead her to grab my attention.

“Pretty girls should not be allowed to walk alone in a bar like these… there are many vultures around that might take advantage of an innocent girl like you” the Blond girl said while slowly approaching her way to me like a scavenger.

Her old-school straight-men-like compliments, although secretly appreciated, were not sinking very well with my current stomach knot.

“Thanks, but I’m not in the mood” I curtly responded.

But the blonde girl kept insisting, so I surrendered and engaged in a friendly conversation for a few minutes with her. I accepted the fact that, after probably more than an hour of waiting, dreadlocks girl was not going to show up and so, an innocent self-esteem booster talk with a stranger couldn’t not harm.

After a few seconds, I could see that the blonde girl and I were not a match. She was studying at the police academy to become a detective and talked and moved as straight a man that had grown up in the XIX century. But somehow, I found her strangely amusing.

“I support the right-wing you know…” She said at some point in an attempt to express the fact that she was a hetero-normative traditional lesbian by displaying her political interests.

“I think that I should find my friends…” I said moving my arm in the direction of the dance floor. I had no interest in chatting about politics with some blonde right-wing chick after being stood up by my dreadlocks dream girl, so I initiated my escape plan.

At that moment, and out of the blue, the tall blond Tory (republican) launched herself towards me landing with her lips on my lips. I froze for a few seconds before I pushed her away. The drink that I was holding for dreadlocks girl got spilt all over her white shirt with the manoeuvre.

“What are you doing?” I said pushing her away. I was utterly disoriented as I was not expecting a kissing attack from the old fashion future police agent.

“I thought that we were getting along, I’m sorry, I…!” She replied while shaking the beer off herself.

“I…. I’m sorry about the beer…” I said while passing her some napkins that I grabbed from the bar.

“I probably should go now…” I said pushing my way through the crowd.

Plaster sculpture framed of different pussies displayed in Brighton. Picture taken in January 2013.

When I found my friends on the dance floor, I tapped one of them on the shoulder.

“I think that I’m going to go home… dreadlocks girl hasn’t shown up and I’m not feeling good and…” I started to feel very vulnerable. On one side, I was feeling played by dreadlocks girl and, on the other, I felt harassed by the conservative kissing attacker.

“What are you talking about? She was on her way to the bar but you were making out with that tall chick… so she turned around and left” My friend said.

“WHAT?  Are you serious? How can this happen?” I could not believe what my friend was describing.

The idea of my life following a Hollywood movie plot had come true in a very much unexpected way.

“What brand of deodorant you are wearing tonight? You seem to be on fire!” My friend commented.

I explained to my friend the no consented kiss at the bar and she rushed me to go outside to see if I could catch dreadlocks girl at the door. When I went outside she was gone. I tried to call her but she didn’t pick up. I send her a message explaining again another misunderstanding, but as expected, I got no answer….

However, I knew that sooner or later, we would bump into each other and I was ready to beg her for a third chance…

To be continued...

Chatting up from the distance: A sweet interlude before the final screwed up…

One lucky Friday night, I chatted up a dreadlocks goddess in the queue for the toilets. But of course, I ended up making a fool of myself by sending her a very misunderstanding message due to my natural ability to mix up names of newly introduced attractive girls (read the previous post). This is how the story followed:

I ended up grabbing a friendly drink that week with a young photography girl, the unintended receiver of a suggestive text meant for dreadlocks-girl. We mainly exchanged stories of common high school teachers and compared the time gap and different struggles of growing up in the same small (and slightly conservative) community as lesbians.

“There weren’t any openly gay people back home when I was a teenager,” I said from my born in the 80´s generational perspective. 

I was from the last cohort of students that went through high school without any social media. The only Internet-based social interactions at the time were done through Microsoft Messenger and, emojis were only being discovered as a new form of communication. However, photography-girl belonged to the iPod and Facebook generation that already grew up with openly gay Hollywood celebrities.

“In my year of graduation in that high school, there was a lesbian couple, a few openly gay guys and a transgender girl… I never really had to come out” She firmly said narrating her experience.

I was amazed at how much society had changed in a very short period of time. I, on the contrary, had to fight tooth and nail my way out of the closet. I had some internalized homophobia that I carried with me for a while due to the less gay-friendly society that I happened to be landed on. Nevertheless, she told me it was not all “rainbows and fairy lights” for her either, as she mentioned that she experienced some underlying stigma and subtle discrimination from some of her peers. However, at least there were people to look up to that were standing out for themselves as members of the LGBT community… and that was already a step forward from my own teenage experience.

Photography-girl and I became friends that day. I even acted briefly as her career mentor before I finally moved away from the marketing world. Looking back, I am glad that my message mixed up led me to gain a younger ally in the community.

BORN AND BRED Street Graffiti in Brighton. Picture taken in August 2016.

 But coming back to dreadlocks-girl and the other side of the story… Well, she never replied back to my apologetic message… But, somehow, I knew that in the small pool of lesbians, we were going to bump into each other sooner or later… And so we did…

On Thursday night, I was having my first awkward date in a gay-friendly bar with a not very “good match” from the online world, when I saw a dreadlocks-girl entering through the door. She was also with a female companion and, judging from the way they were interacting, I would have guessed that they were on a first online date as well.

I got excited when I saw her entering the bar. I wanted to run towards her, apologize for the “message screwed up” and explained that I was a long way from being a Casanova (I would say that I am more of a nerdy-socially-award lesbian with zero games). The image that she formed of me was completely mistaken and I desperately wanted to amend that. But I thought that she probably had already forgotten about me and so, I contained my impulse of jumping into her to win back her favour… However, I could not contain myself from checking on her discretely over the shoulder of my boring date every now and then during the course of the night. 

She was looking stunning all dressed in white and, moved and interacted with such great confidence. I was feeling quite jealous of her date… “That could have been me if I would have paid more attention before pressing sent...” I kept on thinking.

At some point, as I was sighing on my chair looking at her while my date was in the ladies, our gaze crossed… And of course, I panicked!

Is it possible that she might remember me? What do I do now?

I innocently waved and waited for her to reply. She waved back. Her date had gone to the bar and so we were both sitting alone looking at each other across the room.

I move my head and raised my eyebrows in a clumsy attempt to say “Hey! How do you do?” from a distance. She smiled and repeated my gesture reciprocating my greetings but she moved her head to the direction of the bar pointing at her date as a way of communicating that she wasn’t alone. I made a resignation gesture and pointed at the empty chair in front of me with my date’s jacket to inform her that I also had company.

I wanted to ask her if they were “a thing” or not, so I pointed at the girl in the bar and then to her a few times back and forth. I’m not sure if my incomprehensible battery of gestures attempting to ask her about their “relationship status” was understood. But she shocked her head with determination. Then, she mimicked my air signs pointing at the empty chair in front of me and then at me several times.

Does she really want to know if I’m available? I’m I dreaming right now…?

I frenetically shocked my head trying to make it as clear as possible that my tame date and I were not “a thing”. 

At that moment, I saw her date coming back to her table, so I made a quick sign of a phone with my hand followed by a thumb up.

“Is it OK if I call you?” I meant to say.

She made a “later” sign while nodding and smiling before shifting her attention back to her date.

WHAT?!? Did gorgeous dreadlocks-girl just give me permission to contact her again…???!!!!???

I kept looking at her table with a stupid smile on my face until my date came back. I was already utterly not interested in my online date before dreadlocks-girl walked into the bar, but now, I was even more eager to wrap up with my uncomfortable unmatched date and go home.

On the night bus, I contacted dreadlocks-girl and this time I checked a few times the message before pressing sent... A few minutes later she replied back and we kept on texting for a while.

After that night, we chatted every now and then, but we never arranged a formal date until one night…

Graffiti of a girl found in Brighton (signed by Maleska). Picture taken August 2016.

 

To be continued…

Chatting up in the queue for the toilets...

It’s a regular Friday night in the city. A lesbian party is being hosted at a straight club and, of course, they have not booked a bouncer for the ladies. The queue for the toilets is exponentially increasing as the night goes on because someone couples are hooking up inside the cubicles.

“That’s a pretty long queue” A gorgeous dreadlocks girl behind me commented.

“Yeah, some people are still living with their parents apparently” I replied in an attempt to be funny.

"What?" She looked at me weirdly.

She probably has not understood that my comment was referring to the people having sex in the toilets. It seems obvious to me that if you need to “copulate” in a dirty public space is because you don’t have a place of your own… but maybe not everyone is as squeamish as I am.

“I mean that you need to be a bit desperate to make up in the bathroom of a club, right?” I responded as if my unintelligible and ludicrous comment from before was obvious to everyone.

I immediately turned around as if my failed attempt to be funny had never happened.

And I wonder why I am single brainy… an attractive girl just opened up a conversation with me and I just turned around ignoring her…???

I looked back again. Our gaze crossed. I panicked and pretended to be looking for someone else behind her.

What are you doing? Say something... keep up the conversation… Let her know that you are interested in continuing chatting… 

But my brain was not responding…

Gosh! She is soooo pretty and soooo out of my league!

“Have you been waiting long?” She asked me.

YES!!!! She wants to keep on talking… don’t panic now… keep calm… relax… smile… She is only a human being… a very attractive human being… Thinking back on my comment about having sex in public toilets... I could totally see myself getting physical with dreadlocks girl on the WC right now…

“Longer than my bladder could take!” I responded.

I am stupid? She just opened up the conversation again and I’ve to mention my bladder. What’s wrong with me? If she didn’t think that I was weird before, she totally thinks that I am a moron now… This is going great..., I'm definitely sleeping alone tonight…

“You are funny!” She replied smiling.

WHAT? She thinks that I’m funny???!!!??? My neurons are doing a celebrating dancing in my head right now.

At that point, two girls just left one of the cubicles and the queue considerably speeded up. We chit-chatted for a bit longer. She was a northern social worker and had a very cute accent.

I'm melting right now...

Picture taken at the Marlborough Pub (Brighton). June 2015

 “Eh… soooooo…. before I free my bladder… Can I have your number?" I asked.

WHAT? Did I just mention my bladder again??? And in the same sentence that I asked her for her number???

“Eh…” She is doubting. I’m sweating.

“Sure” She said in a very chilled way.

When I finished annotating her number, I immediately pressed call. I needed to make sure that she didn’t give me a fake number.

“I’m calling you so you have also my number” I said pretending to be secure of myself.

“Cool!” She said. 

COOL??!? She said cool….!!! I could hear party blowers in my head…. WEEEEIIIIII…. !!!

After I peed, I rushed back to my friends. They prevented me from sending her a message straight away…

“You should wait at least until Sunday to text her” One of my friends recommended.

SUNDAY??? That is a full day and a half… ???!!!???

On the night bus home, I took off my phone so I could pretend that I was busy ignoring the rest of the drunken passengers (and of course avoiding any type of eye contact).

I decided to overlook my “party-pooper” (but very rational) friend's advice and text dreadlocks girl a cute good night message. If I wait until Sunday I might have a heart attack...

After 10 long minutes of carefully planning my words, I pressed sent and kept on texting some other friends and acquaintances.

5 minutes later, my phone lit up. I had a message back from dreadlocks girl:

"Wrong message, wrong girl honey! How many other girl's phone numbers did you collect tonight Casanova?"

WHAT?

I went back to my sent messages folder only to find out that she was right! I managed to mix up her phone number with someone else.

Earlier that night one of my friends introduced me to another girl, whose name wasn't even similar to "dreadlocks girl", but who was from my hometown and worked in the same photography-marketing world that I was working at the time. We also exchanged phone numbers, but without any romantic intentions. She wanted to attend a photography exhibition my employer was sponsoring, so I had tons of free tickets to give away. "Photography girl" already had a girlfriend and, in any case, she was very young for me.

As a result, "dreadlocks girl" received the following message:

“Hey Sarah*! It was nice to meet you tonight. I don't know many people from my hometown in the community (Referring to the photography-marketing world). As I said, feel free to stop by my place tomorrow if you want. (We agreed that she was going to collect the tickets for the photography exhibition), I'm sure that you will enjoy it (Referring to the exhibition). I hope that you had a good night too! Talk soon!”
(*Her name has been changed to protect her identity.)

While "photography girl" got the following message:

"Hello, Gorgeous! It was a pleasure meeting you tonight. Would you like to go for a drink sometime? It might be the beer talking, but we connected tonight somehow. Looking forward to hearing back from you! Xx”

F***K! I sent a second message apologizing to dreadlocks girl and explaining the situation.

Few minutes after my phone lit up again. However, it was not “dreadlocks girl” who replied, but “photography girl”:

"I’ll be happy to grab a drink with you sometime. My girlfriend is out of town next week, are you free on Monday?”

TO BE CONTINUED…

Brighton losing its Wheel while I'm losing my mind. Brighton  May 2016.

PS: This is a true story, but it has a second part...

PS2: In case you were wondering, Carol (from my previous post: Two online lesbian dates on one night! - My Tinder double date story) and I never went on a second date...