She likes girls...

So, finally, I got a confirmation a few days ago from my office crush that she likes girls. It was a spontaneous revelation from her side when we were leaving yoga class. My gaydar was right! (Has it ever not been?).

When she mentioned that she "also" like girls, I naively replied:

"Really?" Thinking: of course you do!

"That makes me really sad..." I continued.

It was my opportunity to get some answers on whether I was going crazy and whether the "signs" that I was receiving from her side were all in my mind or if they were real. As I was in a deep state of active relaxation after 2 hours of yoga, I was lacking on inhibitions and felt confident to push for some resolution.

"It makes me sad that you liked girls but rejected my dinner invitation" Shit! Did I just say that? Look down... La La La... How interesting is the floor... How many falling leaves.... Look to the other side now... keep walking.... awkward...

"What?" She said. And then some more awkward silence invaded the car park.

RUN!!!! If I just started running right now to the train station as if it was raining or something she would probably think that I'm less weird than if I claim to get answers from an innocent invitation that happened months ago... RUN NOW YOU MUPPET!!!!

"You mean "that" time...!" She said. What time? Does she remember our completely uncomfortable 1-minute conversation that happened more than a summer ago?

"For the record, I didn't reject you, I just didn't know that it was that type of dinner...." More awkward silence...

"Well, it was..." I don't know if those words actually came out of my mouth or if I just thought them.

"... and then I was busy... and you were busy... and just never happened..." She said while walking towards her car.

"It can still happen if you want" I wish I would have said... but instead a mix between mumble and a "still.... happen" came out of my mouth...

"The ball is in your side... your field... you know..." I said. What ball? What are you even talking about? A sports reference? you don't even like ball sports.... what are you trying to say?

"Right... eh...!" She already unlocked her car and was opening the door. I need to keep moving...  I'm not sure that I want to hear the end of that sentence...  Feet move! Where? to any direction as long as it is far from her.

If she rejects me it is going to be devastating... I'm already having a bad week and the last thing I need is some emotional drama...  

But what if she says yes? I already have my week pretty packed and I have no time (or funds) for going out for dinner... at least until Sunday... We can't have a Sunday date...! I'm working the day after... She is not replying to my incomprehensible clumsy invitation... I can hear the grasshoppers cricket so intensively right now... La La La.... Look down.....

"Let's talk tomorrow?" She said while getting into her car...

To be continued...

Halloween cupcakes. Brighton, October, 2015