First are always special... first words... first day at school.... first love.... first kiss..... first time...... first broken heart... first... online profile.... and first online date.... So this is the story of my first date with someone from the cyber-space....
I was so scared.... meeting someone online.... what kind of pervert uses internet to meet people? That was January 2008,... yes, I opened my profile as a part of my new years resolution of 'finding love'.... so precisely, on the 2nd of January 2008, I created an account on GaydarGirls... In 2008 I was 22 and I was so naive....
I thought that it was going to be the year of love.... How wouldn't I believe in love when No One from Alicia Keys was on the top charts? (one of the best songs about love ever written).... I started to chat with few girls, and soon discovered that the website was highly uncomfortable to chat: limited number of messages that you can send and, limited number of profiles that you can visit... Thank God that mobile applications have solved that out.... but well, it was 2008 and there was not such a thing as a smart phone yet....
She was definitely not my type: blond and blue eyes. I tend to like Mediterranean looking people and even though she was from the South, she was looking very Germanic.... I only accepted to meet her because we seem to had a friend in common, more of an acquaintance for me.... and actually for her too as this friend in common was the new girlfriend of her ex-girlfriend... anyway.... I was 22, highly inexperience in dating girls and recently out of the dark closet.... I still had some issues accepting my sexuality and I needed to explore a bit more the field....
We decided to meet up in town, I was so nervous, thinking that I was not going to recognize her from the pictures, or that it was going to be a fake profile...... but she arrived.... She was very pretty.... we went for a drink in a very cheap gay bar and had few Heinekens there...
I think that we did go to few more places after that... but my memory is a bit blurred.... the only moment that I remember after that is when we took the night bus.... we went to the back of the bus and started to make out.....
OMG! what I was doing??? Making out with a girl in a public transport??? What if someone saw me???...... I was still on that phase of coming out... anyway, the alcohol helped me to..... not give a f*** about the rest of the world and enjoyed my date....
She was a brilliant kisser and had a very interesting conversation. She was an art student, passionate about art and humanities.... and I was 22 and looking for an adventure....
The date ended up in a bus stop as I had to catch another night bus home.... I don't remember the details, but we agreed to meet up again... and so we did.... we went to an art exhibition, and for ethnic food, and we also went for drinks a few times... and we had sex with 'The origin of love' from Hedwig and the Angry Inch on the background... (my very best favorite movie of all times....) I was still too scared to fully enjoyed it but she made it easy and guided me a bit in the art... although, I had needed few more like her to gain confidence in my moves.... I owned her a great deal of self-esteem in my fully out lesbian persona....
As you might guess... it didn't work out.... I received a Scholarship to study at the University of Sussex in Brighton and left.... and well... it was too new to even consider anything further.... so it died.... but I still remember it with a smile... we are still friends on Facebook, although we don't interact much, I still like to think that we are friends....
I wish her the best... I think that she got a full time girlfriend and is working well and I'm very happy for her as she deserves to find love! As for me.... well.... I'm still in the search on the cyber-space....
As everyone that I've met, she taught me something... and I don't think that I would be fully out and happy with my sexuality without her help while I was going through my 'teen' lesbian days.... so for all of this,
THANK YOU!!! You were my first online date and as you can see from this blog.... not the last!!!
Saturday, 26 April 2014
Wednesday, 23 April 2014
Love is not about finding someone to fix you....
This story, as all of the others, starts with an online message on OkCupid. I have to say that since they had the block on Firefox, and therefore, they were on the news and all over Facebook, I've noticed an increase in the number of profiles on the site.
I guess that the free publicity that they got has also been good for my online quest on finding love, as just that week I got several messages from newbies on the site.
One of the girls that messaged me was Kat: a 28 years-old bisexual that, as everyone else in the online world, was looking for love. Initially, I thought that she was not my type, but I'm open to give a chance to everyone since love is unpredictable and unexpected...
It took us a while to actually meet up. I been having a very busy month and she also had exams, but we finally agree on meeting up for coffee on the North Lanes.
We went to a coffee place near Komedia, she offered to go to the bar and order for both of us and so I asked her to bring me a herbal tea. It took her a good long 20 minutes to come back from the bar, but she finally sat down and the date started. She was tall, not too tall, but taller than me, dye bleach blonde, blue eyes and plain dressing style.
She was wearing a two decades old purple snickers that reminded me to those I had when I was 8 (how cute...). She seem not to be counting calories these days as she ordered a tall ice-latte with cream on top, actually, probably she has not been counting calories over the last decade... but I don't mind love-handles....
We talked about sports, I recently bought a new bike and I've been cycling across Sussex, so I was telling her about my latest cycling trip. She seem to be very interested, she told me that when she first moved to Brighton she was a member of a gym and she wanted to go back to exercise again.
She also told me that she played music before, and she wanted to play music again. She also told me that she was a smoker, but she wanted to quit..... I could see that she was talking too much about her ideal self, the person she wanted to become... and too little of her actual self, the person she actually was....
According to Ayala Malach, "Why we choose the lovers we choose", we fall in love with someone who can see us for who we want to be, who can see the best version of ourselves... however, I think that trying to find someone who can fix us is not the objective....
How many times have my housemate told me that she will quit smoking once she gets a boyfriend?..... well.... you should quit smoking for yourself, exercise for yourself and explore your creative side for yourself....
Love is not about finding someone to fix you.... You might fall in love with someone that sees you under a nice light, but you need to become who you want to be for yourself, don't expect that a magic prince/princess is going to come and solve everything that is wrong in your life....
The date ended up at the beach with very little conversation. I decided to leave, make an excuse, we were not really feeling it and I didn't wanted to force it, so I said that I had to go somewhere else.... she told me that she will call me.... but again we both knew that it was not going to happen.... oh... well.... one more OkCupid disaster I guess....
I guess that the free publicity that they got has also been good for my online quest on finding love, as just that week I got several messages from newbies on the site.
One of the girls that messaged me was Kat: a 28 years-old bisexual that, as everyone else in the online world, was looking for love. Initially, I thought that she was not my type, but I'm open to give a chance to everyone since love is unpredictable and unexpected...
It took us a while to actually meet up. I been having a very busy month and she also had exams, but we finally agree on meeting up for coffee on the North Lanes.
We went to a coffee place near Komedia, she offered to go to the bar and order for both of us and so I asked her to bring me a herbal tea. It took her a good long 20 minutes to come back from the bar, but she finally sat down and the date started. She was tall, not too tall, but taller than me, dye bleach blonde, blue eyes and plain dressing style.
She was wearing a two decades old purple snickers that reminded me to those I had when I was 8 (how cute...). She seem not to be counting calories these days as she ordered a tall ice-latte with cream on top, actually, probably she has not been counting calories over the last decade... but I don't mind love-handles....
We talked about sports, I recently bought a new bike and I've been cycling across Sussex, so I was telling her about my latest cycling trip. She seem to be very interested, she told me that when she first moved to Brighton she was a member of a gym and she wanted to go back to exercise again.
She also told me that she played music before, and she wanted to play music again. She also told me that she was a smoker, but she wanted to quit..... I could see that she was talking too much about her ideal self, the person she wanted to become... and too little of her actual self, the person she actually was....
According to Ayala Malach, "Why we choose the lovers we choose", we fall in love with someone who can see us for who we want to be, who can see the best version of ourselves... however, I think that trying to find someone who can fix us is not the objective....
How many times have my housemate told me that she will quit smoking once she gets a boyfriend?..... well.... you should quit smoking for yourself, exercise for yourself and explore your creative side for yourself....
Love is not about finding someone to fix you.... You might fall in love with someone that sees you under a nice light, but you need to become who you want to be for yourself, don't expect that a magic prince/princess is going to come and solve everything that is wrong in your life....
The date ended up at the beach with very little conversation. I decided to leave, make an excuse, we were not really feeling it and I didn't wanted to force it, so I said that I had to go somewhere else.... she told me that she will call me.... but again we both knew that it was not going to happen.... oh... well.... one more OkCupid disaster I guess....
Thursday, 17 April 2014
Other's people success stories - Monika & Jo
After all my failures, I feel that I needed to talk about other people's success stories to keep my faith up on the online dating world. So, here we go...
In the early summer of 2011, I received a message from a girl who was new in town. She wanted to meet people and send a very generic message. I answered as I liked the idea of meeting several girls at once, you double your chances....
She invited me to a lesbian dinner in a Mexican restaurant with other lesbians that she had met online. I arrived early and saw a lesbian at the bar. How did I know that it was a lesbian? Well, her short boyish hair was given away her sexual tendencies, and her clothes too....
I introduced my self and waited for the rest of the group. We were finally about 6, all lesbians, all internationals (it was almost the UN there... a girl from Switzerland, a girl from Colombia, an a couple of girls from the UK...)
One of the British girls, Jo was the one that invited me. She seemed to know everyone and acted a bit like the host of the night... She was pretty and very enthusiastic. We had dinner and then went for a drink after. Everyone was very nice, but unfortunately no one was my type.
We decided to meet up again. In our next meeting, the Colombian girl, Monika, and Jo, started to make out, I did not see that coming.... Monika was around 38-39 and Jo was 10 years younger and had definitely not the same dressing style... but well... whatever floats your boat, right?
We kept in touch for a little while and I saw the relationship growing.... they went from dating to moving in together, to start up a business together and to.... marriage! They got married this week and I am very happy for them.... their success make me think about the limitations that we put in ourselves when it comes to choose our ideal partner....
I tend to look for girls my age, or 5 years up or down... I call it my 'born on the 80's rule', as I was born in 1985, therefore everyone born within my decade is potentially datable and on my online profiles I limit the age to that....
Should I open my search limitations? What is the limit in age difference? is there even such a thing as a limit in age difference when it comes to love?
In the early summer of 2011, I received a message from a girl who was new in town. She wanted to meet people and send a very generic message. I answered as I liked the idea of meeting several girls at once, you double your chances....
She invited me to a lesbian dinner in a Mexican restaurant with other lesbians that she had met online. I arrived early and saw a lesbian at the bar. How did I know that it was a lesbian? Well, her short boyish hair was given away her sexual tendencies, and her clothes too....
I introduced my self and waited for the rest of the group. We were finally about 6, all lesbians, all internationals (it was almost the UN there... a girl from Switzerland, a girl from Colombia, an a couple of girls from the UK...)
One of the British girls, Jo was the one that invited me. She seemed to know everyone and acted a bit like the host of the night... She was pretty and very enthusiastic. We had dinner and then went for a drink after. Everyone was very nice, but unfortunately no one was my type.
We decided to meet up again. In our next meeting, the Colombian girl, Monika, and Jo, started to make out, I did not see that coming.... Monika was around 38-39 and Jo was 10 years younger and had definitely not the same dressing style... but well... whatever floats your boat, right?
We kept in touch for a little while and I saw the relationship growing.... they went from dating to moving in together, to start up a business together and to.... marriage! They got married this week and I am very happy for them.... their success make me think about the limitations that we put in ourselves when it comes to choose our ideal partner....
I tend to look for girls my age, or 5 years up or down... I call it my 'born on the 80's rule', as I was born in 1985, therefore everyone born within my decade is potentially datable and on my online profiles I limit the age to that....
Should I open my search limitations? What is the limit in age difference? is there even such a thing as a limit in age difference when it comes to love?
The Music-Nazi girl with the French name
This story begins as many others with a message on OkCupid. We exchange a couple of messages and she asked me for my Facebook.
I usually don't like to give my FB to random people on the Internet. It's not a privacy issue, it's just that I don't like to have people on my Facebook that I don't know or that I met only once because then I feel bad when I delete them on my annual FB spring-cleaning (I actually never have done this, but I like the joke ....).
I guess that Facebook these days has become the place to do a bit of research and background checks to make sure that the person we are talking to is real and is not a serial killer.
According to my Chinese housemate, there is a word in Chinese that describes the online background search and the translation is something similar to "Human MEAT search". Let's be honest..., we all have snooped on someone's profile before, either to check their relationship status, their sexual preference or their pictures.
When I added her on Facebook, I saw that my ex-housemate was among her friends. Could you guess how did they meet?... Through OkCupid, of course... Brighton is a small place... and the dating pool is limited.
Back to the story, we decided to meet at the White Rabbit. She send me a message saying that she was going to be a bit late and that I should order her a pint.
A pint? Should I get a pint too? I was feeling adventurous and I asked for a Krononnberg top... Let's see where the night takes us...
She arrived and of course, she didn't look like her pictures at all... but she was still nice. The conversation didn't flow much at the beginning. On top of the first date awkwardness, the couple in front of us were passionately making out creating a very uncomfortable atmosphere. Also, the music from the open mic was quite loud preventing us from speaking more than a few words in every communication attempt. The poor early-twenties singer with a guitar on the stage became the target of her music-with-instruments rage.
She told me that she was a Music-Nazi (her words, not mine) and then she asked me about my taste... after that statement it was difficult to confess that my totally gay camp playlists include Disney soundtracks and Broadway musicals so, I gave her a vague answer:
"I like everything really..." I said
"But... you must have a favourite type. What is your favourite band?" She asked.
I decided to show my rocky side, perhaps because she was wearing a leather jacket (was that a prime? excuse my psychological reference...) so, I answered:
"Well... I'm listening to My Chemical Romance a lot these days...."
Her face made a funny expression.
"My Chemical Romance is SHIT!!!! She said (exact words).
EXCUSE ME..... WHAT???? If you go on a date, the first rule is to be polite, and even if you don't like their music, don't tell them that is S***T in their face. I decided to take her comment as a dark humour joke and moved on.
She only liked electronic music and found it completely horrifying that any music with real instruments... The start of the date at that point turned from not very promising to a let's finish my drink soon and leave. But it got worst...
"How do you feel about drugs?" She asked me in these exact words.
What kind of person ask that on a first date?
Well... actually, once a girl asked me if I had any kind of illegal addiction on a first date so it might be an addiction routine check for some people...
Anyway, she was being very serious and I was a bit shocked. and didn't know how to answer that, so again I gave her a vague answer:
"Well... I don't know... I mean... I don't usually do drugs, but I don't judge people who do it..." These words gave her the excuse to rapidly add:
"Good, I DO drugs... My life is all about drugs" Well, these were not actually her exact words, but she said that she couldn't wait for the weekend to get absolutely fucked up.
At that point, she had finished her pint while mine was still almost untouched... She pointed that out and said that she was a fast drinker and she went to the bar to get another. I guess that she realised then that I was not the party buddy that she was looking for in the cyberspace. We both felt a lack of connection... So, I needed to finish my pint in order to end the date.
I finally manned up and drank my pint... Gosh! I was already a bit tipsy.... but not enough to prolong the uncomfortable talk. We decided to go and we walked in the same direction. When we got to the corner of my street she said:
"Well..., I'll call you!. I owe you a drink...."
I like when they take responsibility for the next call, or in that case for not making it.
Anyway, I guess that this was another failure in my quest for finding love in the online pool of Brighton... but I like to be positive and think that statistically speaking, I have one less date to go before finding the right date... However, I'm starting to feel that online dating might not be the way to find love...
Should I concentrate on the offline world?
I usually don't like to give my FB to random people on the Internet. It's not a privacy issue, it's just that I don't like to have people on my Facebook that I don't know or that I met only once because then I feel bad when I delete them on my annual FB spring-cleaning (I actually never have done this, but I like the joke ....).
I guess that Facebook these days has become the place to do a bit of research and background checks to make sure that the person we are talking to is real and is not a serial killer.
According to my Chinese housemate, there is a word in Chinese that describes the online background search and the translation is something similar to "Human MEAT search". Let's be honest..., we all have snooped on someone's profile before, either to check their relationship status, their sexual preference or their pictures.
When I added her on Facebook, I saw that my ex-housemate was among her friends. Could you guess how did they meet?... Through OkCupid, of course... Brighton is a small place... and the dating pool is limited.
Back to the story, we decided to meet at the White Rabbit. She send me a message saying that she was going to be a bit late and that I should order her a pint.
A pint? Should I get a pint too? I was feeling adventurous and I asked for a Krononnberg top... Let's see where the night takes us...
She arrived and of course, she didn't look like her pictures at all... but she was still nice. The conversation didn't flow much at the beginning. On top of the first date awkwardness, the couple in front of us were passionately making out creating a very uncomfortable atmosphere. Also, the music from the open mic was quite loud preventing us from speaking more than a few words in every communication attempt. The poor early-twenties singer with a guitar on the stage became the target of her music-with-instruments rage.
She told me that she was a Music-Nazi (her words, not mine) and then she asked me about my taste... after that statement it was difficult to confess that my totally gay camp playlists include Disney soundtracks and Broadway musicals so, I gave her a vague answer:
"I like everything really..." I said
"But... you must have a favourite type. What is your favourite band?" She asked.
I decided to show my rocky side, perhaps because she was wearing a leather jacket (was that a prime? excuse my psychological reference...) so, I answered:
"Well... I'm listening to My Chemical Romance a lot these days...."
Her face made a funny expression.
"My Chemical Romance is SHIT!!!! She said (exact words).
EXCUSE ME..... WHAT???? If you go on a date, the first rule is to be polite, and even if you don't like their music, don't tell them that is S***T in their face. I decided to take her comment as a dark humour joke and moved on.
She only liked electronic music and found it completely horrifying that any music with real instruments... The start of the date at that point turned from not very promising to a let's finish my drink soon and leave. But it got worst...
"How do you feel about drugs?" She asked me in these exact words.
What kind of person ask that on a first date?
Well... actually, once a girl asked me if I had any kind of illegal addiction on a first date so it might be an addiction routine check for some people...
Anyway, she was being very serious and I was a bit shocked. and didn't know how to answer that, so again I gave her a vague answer:
"Well... I don't know... I mean... I don't usually do drugs, but I don't judge people who do it..." These words gave her the excuse to rapidly add:
"Good, I DO drugs... My life is all about drugs" Well, these were not actually her exact words, but she said that she couldn't wait for the weekend to get absolutely fucked up.
At that point, she had finished her pint while mine was still almost untouched... She pointed that out and said that she was a fast drinker and she went to the bar to get another. I guess that she realised then that I was not the party buddy that she was looking for in the cyberspace. We both felt a lack of connection... So, I needed to finish my pint in order to end the date.
I finally manned up and drank my pint... Gosh! I was already a bit tipsy.... but not enough to prolong the uncomfortable talk. We decided to go and we walked in the same direction. When we got to the corner of my street she said:
"Well..., I'll call you!. I owe you a drink...."
I like when they take responsibility for the next call, or in that case for not making it.
Anyway, I guess that this was another failure in my quest for finding love in the online pool of Brighton... but I like to be positive and think that statistically speaking, I have one less date to go before finding the right date... However, I'm starting to feel that online dating might not be the way to find love...
Should I concentrate on the offline world?
Picture taken in Vegas (2014) that reflects how I felt after my date with the Music-Nazi girl
Tuesday, 25 March 2014
Unnamed frog part IV - Too COOL for School
This is a story about an average first date followed by a very bad second date....
We contacted each other at the beginning of the summer. I think that we did it through OkCupid... but I'm not sure now....
We met at the Fortune of War a legendary pub in the Brighton seafront. I arrived earlier and sat outside, she arrived 2 minutes after and went straight to the bar. I saw her when she passed by, but as every time I'm meeting someone from the Internet, I wasn't sure that it was her....
She texted me from the bar, and I confirmed that I was outside, then she finally approached me. She ordered a Koppaberg, which for me is a drink that limit itself to one only drink, as the first drink is amazing if is chilled, but the second one becomes unbearable as you get fed up of its sweetness... anyway, I ordered one too, mirroring my date's drinking choice and accepting that the date will be limited to one drink then.
She was not the most pretty girl I have ever seen, but she was cheerful and nice. Tall, brown long hair, round hazelnut eyes, few tattoos on her arms, but nothing too butchy, and main stream clothing style with a hint of surfer and hip-hop from the 90's. We talked about trips and adventures, a very common topic on a first date....
She told me that she recently came back from spending some time in 'Cali' (apparently cool people call California 'Cali', but you won't be able to call it Cali if you haven't been there and got integrated with the cool kids...) She called California 'Cali' (no comments....). We had a good conversation about trips, university, self-development and Brighton... However, as expected, after the first Koppaberg, the date was over, so we decided to say goodbye and walked in different ways...
She texted me within the next 5 minutes to tell me that it was a pleasure to meet me and that she would like to see me again. I thought it was very cute to receive a message right after the date, and although I wasn't sure that we had a lot of stuff in common, I accepted the invitation to meet up again.
She invited me out on a Saturday night with her mates, we were going to meet up in R-Bar. However, when I was living my house she texted me telling me that her mates were a bit drunk and that it will probably take her still 15 minutes to get there... Despite of her text, I decided to make my way to the bar anyway. After all, I was already ready to go out and waiting at home makes me sleepy and increases the chances of deciding to cancel and I was not too convince on the first place about her....
As I had time, I went to the cash point to get some cash (very optimistic from my side), I didn't know if we were going clubbing after and the night was young... By the time I arrived to the bar (15 minutes later than the projected time), I received another text from her.
She was still at her mate's house but she was calling a taxi now, so it will be only 15 minutes more... I decided to grab a drink and wait at the bar, and then wait a bit more, and then wait a little bit more again.... when I was about to leave, she texted me again saying, sorry, sorry, sorry, we are on the cab, we will be there in 5 minutes.....
I am usually a time nazi, I value my time a lot, a someone making me wait really annoys me, but I decided to be a bit more tolerant and wait, I understand that when people are drunk, it is difficult to moved them to a bar and it might not have been her fault...
She finally arrived, but in a state of drunkenness that did not corresponded with the time of the night... after all it was only 22 pm, but she wasn't able to talk properly already,... However, that did not stopped her from sniffing popper every 2 minutes and looking at me as if I was a party popper....
I do go out and have fun.... I do like to dance and enjoy the night, but if I'm meeting someone, I try to stay sober enough to be able to maintain a bit of conversation... on top of that, she ignored me for most of the time that I was on the bar, and I ended up talking with her friend, who had recently had a baby, but was free for the night looking to get shit face and party hard (everyone has different priorities in life I guess....)...
At some point, her friend split a drink on my coat and when I went to pick it up, she (unnamed frog nº4) said:
- Are you leaving? I would understand if you are....
I wasn't leaving, I was just picking my coat from where the drink was spilled.... after all she arrived only about 20 minutes ago.... but.... actually... she gave me an opportunity to scape and I took it....
- I said, well, yeah, I think that I'm going to leave now...
She did not put any resistance and let me leave.... she made an attempt to apologize by texting me the day after, but what starts with the wrong foot... its difficult to change... so that was the end....
The learning of this story.... ? I'm not really sure, I guess that it is just one more unnamed frog to the blog.... I feel that every time that I make the effort to meet someone and doesn't work I lose a bit of my faith in finding love, but without keep on trying, you won't find it... will you? Should I stop trying?
We contacted each other at the beginning of the summer. I think that we did it through OkCupid... but I'm not sure now....
We met at the Fortune of War a legendary pub in the Brighton seafront. I arrived earlier and sat outside, she arrived 2 minutes after and went straight to the bar. I saw her when she passed by, but as every time I'm meeting someone from the Internet, I wasn't sure that it was her....
She texted me from the bar, and I confirmed that I was outside, then she finally approached me. She ordered a Koppaberg, which for me is a drink that limit itself to one only drink, as the first drink is amazing if is chilled, but the second one becomes unbearable as you get fed up of its sweetness... anyway, I ordered one too, mirroring my date's drinking choice and accepting that the date will be limited to one drink then.
She was not the most pretty girl I have ever seen, but she was cheerful and nice. Tall, brown long hair, round hazelnut eyes, few tattoos on her arms, but nothing too butchy, and main stream clothing style with a hint of surfer and hip-hop from the 90's. We talked about trips and adventures, a very common topic on a first date....
She told me that she recently came back from spending some time in 'Cali' (apparently cool people call California 'Cali', but you won't be able to call it Cali if you haven't been there and got integrated with the cool kids...) She called California 'Cali' (no comments....). We had a good conversation about trips, university, self-development and Brighton... However, as expected, after the first Koppaberg, the date was over, so we decided to say goodbye and walked in different ways...
She texted me within the next 5 minutes to tell me that it was a pleasure to meet me and that she would like to see me again. I thought it was very cute to receive a message right after the date, and although I wasn't sure that we had a lot of stuff in common, I accepted the invitation to meet up again.
She invited me out on a Saturday night with her mates, we were going to meet up in R-Bar. However, when I was living my house she texted me telling me that her mates were a bit drunk and that it will probably take her still 15 minutes to get there... Despite of her text, I decided to make my way to the bar anyway. After all, I was already ready to go out and waiting at home makes me sleepy and increases the chances of deciding to cancel and I was not too convince on the first place about her....
As I had time, I went to the cash point to get some cash (very optimistic from my side), I didn't know if we were going clubbing after and the night was young... By the time I arrived to the bar (15 minutes later than the projected time), I received another text from her.
She was still at her mate's house but she was calling a taxi now, so it will be only 15 minutes more... I decided to grab a drink and wait at the bar, and then wait a bit more, and then wait a little bit more again.... when I was about to leave, she texted me again saying, sorry, sorry, sorry, we are on the cab, we will be there in 5 minutes.....
I am usually a time nazi, I value my time a lot, a someone making me wait really annoys me, but I decided to be a bit more tolerant and wait, I understand that when people are drunk, it is difficult to moved them to a bar and it might not have been her fault...
She finally arrived, but in a state of drunkenness that did not corresponded with the time of the night... after all it was only 22 pm, but she wasn't able to talk properly already,... However, that did not stopped her from sniffing popper every 2 minutes and looking at me as if I was a party popper....
I do go out and have fun.... I do like to dance and enjoy the night, but if I'm meeting someone, I try to stay sober enough to be able to maintain a bit of conversation... on top of that, she ignored me for most of the time that I was on the bar, and I ended up talking with her friend, who had recently had a baby, but was free for the night looking to get shit face and party hard (everyone has different priorities in life I guess....)...
At some point, her friend split a drink on my coat and when I went to pick it up, she (unnamed frog nº4) said:
- Are you leaving? I would understand if you are....
I wasn't leaving, I was just picking my coat from where the drink was spilled.... after all she arrived only about 20 minutes ago.... but.... actually... she gave me an opportunity to scape and I took it....
- I said, well, yeah, I think that I'm going to leave now...
She did not put any resistance and let me leave.... she made an attempt to apologize by texting me the day after, but what starts with the wrong foot... its difficult to change... so that was the end....
The learning of this story.... ? I'm not really sure, I guess that it is just one more unnamed frog to the blog.... I feel that every time that I make the effort to meet someone and doesn't work I lose a bit of my faith in finding love, but without keep on trying, you won't find it... will you? Should I stop trying?
Sunday, 9 March 2014
A date with me...
I believe that life is a continuous battle with oneself... If you are not able to find something in life, is not because is not out there, but because you are too blind, too narcissistic, too uptight, too... YOURSELF to find it...
I believe that we are the only one who is stopping us from finding what we want and therefore, a self-check might be needed if you are not obtaining the desired results... so here I go...
I feel that I am over-judging all my dates from a self-centred, narcissistic point of view... So, I would like to try to imagine how would it be to go on a date with me from their point of view..... Maybe they are not the frogs.... but I am... I wish I could collect first-hand feedback from them.... but I guess that even if I could, people are too polite anyway to say what they think...
I will try my best to find all my flaws... and maybe after this exercise, I will be more empathetic with my dates' experience and I would be able to understand them a bit better... Is it me the problem and reason that I am still single....?
The ME Story...
I guess that the first physical characteristic that you might notice is my height... or lack of it... I am 5'3 (160cm) and I never considered myself a small person until recently I one of my dates pointed it out ... (thanks for undermining my self-confidence there... I wonder why we didn't work out... but that's another story that I will write soon...)... I have also been told on several occasions that I have big eyes...
I always love this comment because big doesn't mean pretty... but yeah, I have big dark eyes.... and I have also been told that they have the power to penetrate into someone's soul... just like a superhero (obviously the person that made this comment had me in high regard...)... but sometimes I do feel that it is true as if I have ever felt a connection with someone it was always by looking deep into their eyes and feeling a bit of a tingling in my heart.... but I guess that this is universal for everyone that has ever find him/herself into someone's eyes...
Apart from my eyes, people also tend to complement my hair, it used to be light brown with a hint of reddish under the sun, but these days are looking darker and duller (I guess that I haven't found the right combination of hair products for this humid and cloudy weather yet...)...
I think that they made these comments about my big (not pretty) eyes and hair in the same way that people talk about the weather, as a distraction mechanism to ignore the elephant in the room.... in this case, my Jewish-like nose...
Someone told my dad that originally my family name came from Israel and I think that my nose proves this theory... some people do have a thing for this type of nose... a guy once was fascinated by my nose and asked me if he could bite it (I love to chat up lines of straight drunk guys on clubs....) also, several Chinese friends told me that in Asia people go through plastic surgery to get this type of nasal bridge... On the contrary, here in Europe, we go through surgery to get rid of it... I guess that beauty norms change among different cultures... (Should I move to China...?)
By the way, I guess that at this point of the blog, you have also realised that I tend to 'exaggerate' a bit my comments... I don't call it exaggerating, but just having a very fictional-oriented way to describe events.
I tend to caricature reality in an attempt to make it more interesting and happy, so whenever I say that someone was freakingly tall, like the Polish-looking accountant in my story, I mean that they were very tall.... I've also been told by a reader that knows me in real life that my nose doesn't strike as much as I say.... but I like to create a parallel universe in my mind a bit like Tim Burton's universe in Big Fish...
In terms of personality... well, I think that I change among situations and company, so if I am very nervous because I like my date I probably will talk more than I should and will interrupt the conversation more than I should...., something that according to the infinite number of self-improvement books that I have read, is the worst thing that you can do...
I guess that unconsciously I want to give a good impression by commenting on things, making jokes, etc. but it ends up having the opposite effect... So, here we have one problem I need to keep working on Shutting myself up and practising active listening...
I also tend to pre-judge people but hate when people do that to me... so these days I'm also working on that... every one of us has so many layers and complex personalities so, forming an image about someone's personality from one small piece of information is not a good practice...
How many times have I been surprised by people that I thought fell into a category but suddenly discovered a whole new side of them...? and how many times I have received a comment from a date about me (such as... you are this way or you have this kind of personality....) and I thought that the person has very narrowed minded as they judged me without knowing me...?
I guess its just human behaviour, we like to classify people in our minds, to create shortcuts to understand the world around us when actually people are dynamic and have a lot of different layers and sides that we miss to perceive because we are too busy imposing our own simplified version of reality into their personality...
Another thing that my dates probably have noticed is that I don't know how to put a poker face, I am quite the opposite, you might be able to read my thoughts through the combination of my muscle movements from my face, just like Paul Ekman does in its book Unmasking the Face... and sometimes my expressions and my real feelings get mixed up giving the wrong message (for example, my face maybe saying 'no' when my mind still processing the situation but still haven't decided on the answer).
I do smile a lot, and that is always good... people have told me before, that I give a good vibe because I smile a lot.... even during spin classes... (is it weird that I smile during exercise...?)
I also like to compliment people from the bottom of my heart, so I tend to make complements about whatever I think is nice... but I don't know how to react when they make a compliment about me... and I probably put my "confusion face".... or I say something completely unrelated or change the subject, for example, if I receive a compliment about my clothes:
- Nice shirt...
I will always tend to answer with the price I paid for the item (Why do I do that...?), so my answer will be something like:
- Thanks, I bought it at half price in that shop on the corner of.... and when I saw it I thought to myself.... but then.....
Too long... I should have just smiled and said thanks..., but I don't know how to take a compliment.... especially if it comes from a pretty girl...
Furthermore, even if I am super good at reading situations and external behaviour when it comes to signs of someone liking me or not... I am a mess...
I overthink people's signs to the point that they lose their meaning and I get very confused... so if you ever go on a date with me and like me... you need to be explicit and say: I LIKE YOU because I become socially retarded whenever I am around someone I find attractive...
I guess I might not be the best date that someone can ever have... I never buy flowers or chocolates as I always overthink how the other person might react... and possibly I overthink too many situations to the point that I lose a lot of opportunities.....
Also, despite the fact that I seem to be very confident in my everyday life, I am super shy when it comes to externalising my feelings, and I know that if you don't put yourself out there, you won't ever find if the other person feels the same way... but I either not say anything or if I do... I do it in a very awkward and retarded way...
I guess that when it comes to love and feelings I am a complete idiot....
Self-portrait taken in Brussels (January 2012)
So... I guess that after all, a good part of my spinsterhood is due to me... and not to the amazing and beautiful women that I have met online... "It's not you... it is me...." (....if I got a penny every time I heard this.... or I have said it....).... but this time it might actually be true...
Unnamed frogs part III - an uncomfortable date at the seafront
Last spring (around May 2013) on a perfect sunny day I went for a drink at the seafront with Unnamed Frog Number 3. We went to Brighton Music Hall, one of my favorite places at the seafront as they always have live music and performances.
We briefly exchanged few messages through Gaydargirls and decided to meet up. Not having any expectations when metting up someone from the online world helps to avoid dissapointment and in this case, it was needed.
The first impression was.... not the best to start with. She was at least 10 years older than her profile pictures... Having honest and up to date pictures helps to create a close-to-reality image of the other person and I have to confess that in this case I was expecting someone younger...
I knew she was older than me, which it isn't a problem, but by hiding herself, she started the date by creating a feeling of deception when we met.... As "the mathemathics of love" TED Talk recomend, "Displaying on your online profile whatever it is that makes you different... would work to your advantage!" I think that perhaps the date would have started in a more possitive note if I would have seen an uptodate picture of her.
We ordered drinks and I decided to have a glass of wine. Mental note for the future: "Never order wine in a beer bar....". So, I was not able to drink it tasted very soury...
On top of the off wine and picture-reality setback, the conversations just didn't flow... sometimes there is not chemistry, sometimes you are just not receptive to meet new people and some other times the situation isn't appropriate.... this time, the three factors met up and the date was just not right...
We were able to maintain small talk for about 30 minutes, but after a prolonged unconfortable sillence, I think that we both realize that it wasn't going so well and put in place an scape plan.... She was meeting some friends near by and I had to work.... (yeah.... right...).... and I had to finished some work... (which in my case was true...)
We didn't contact each other again.... that's how it seems to work these days on the online world... you can pretend that the meeting never happen.... However, after few dates like this... you start to lose faith in love....
But at the end of the day, if you don't put yourself out there.... then it is very unlikely to meet anyone... so you need to keep trying without perishing in the attempt, not die trying...
How many dates do you have to go to before meeting somoeone?
We briefly exchanged few messages through Gaydargirls and decided to meet up. Not having any expectations when metting up someone from the online world helps to avoid dissapointment and in this case, it was needed.
The first impression was.... not the best to start with. She was at least 10 years older than her profile pictures... Having honest and up to date pictures helps to create a close-to-reality image of the other person and I have to confess that in this case I was expecting someone younger...
I knew she was older than me, which it isn't a problem, but by hiding herself, she started the date by creating a feeling of deception when we met.... As "the mathemathics of love" TED Talk recomend, "Displaying on your online profile whatever it is that makes you different... would work to your advantage!" I think that perhaps the date would have started in a more possitive note if I would have seen an uptodate picture of her.
We ordered drinks and I decided to have a glass of wine. Mental note for the future: "Never order wine in a beer bar....". So, I was not able to drink it tasted very soury...
On top of the off wine and picture-reality setback, the conversations just didn't flow... sometimes there is not chemistry, sometimes you are just not receptive to meet new people and some other times the situation isn't appropriate.... this time, the three factors met up and the date was just not right...
We were able to maintain small talk for about 30 minutes, but after a prolonged unconfortable sillence, I think that we both realize that it wasn't going so well and put in place an scape plan.... She was meeting some friends near by and I had to work.... (yeah.... right...).... and I had to finished some work... (which in my case was true...)
We didn't contact each other again.... that's how it seems to work these days on the online world... you can pretend that the meeting never happen.... However, after few dates like this... you start to lose faith in love....
But at the end of the day, if you don't put yourself out there.... then it is very unlikely to meet anyone... so you need to keep trying without perishing in the attempt, not die trying...
How many dates do you have to go to before meeting somoeone?
A beautiful sunset at the Brighton Beach
Monday, 3 March 2014
Unnamed frogs part II - The Polish-looking tall accountant
I feel bad about not remembering the name
of some of the girls with whom I shared a coffee with, but it was about a year
ago and I am a completely disaster with names.... specially with guys names...
I never ever remember my friends’ boyfriends names... I guess because they are
straight males and I am not particularly interested in them so my brain saves
the space for something more useful to remember.... Anyway... I will call this
girl the Polish-looking tall accountant....
The Polish-looking tall accountant Story
So, about a year ago I got a message from the Polish-looking extra-tall accountant, not sure through which website, but we ended up exchanging numbers and messaging each other through WhatsApp... I rather met the person in real life soon after you both like each other than investing a lot of time in exchanging a ridiculous amount of texts before knowing if there is feeling or not... so I asked her for coffee... in the meantime, she kept on texting me every 5 seconds with not very relevant information.... I played the game for a bit since we were meeting for coffee in two days and she said that she was bored traveling on a train... but then the day after she started the same game again, she send me a ridiculous amount of messages without very relevant information... so from the beginning I could see that she was a bit needy and possibly a bit intense.... but she was hot... and maybe it was her first time doing the online dating thing and she didn't know the rules... so, I decided not to prejudge her and I met her for coffee....
We met at a coffee place near my house. It took me a while to know who she was as she didn't look like her pictures at all... and it was not due an intensive amount of Photoshop or filters from Instagram, it was just that she happened to choose, maybe strategically, pictures that didn't look like her.... She was still very good looking, but very different from her pictures.... two things that I noticed just from the beginning: 1) she was ridiculously tall, I am 5'3 (160cm), so I know about my height limitations and accept that more than half of the population of women are taller than me, but she was at least 6'5 (2 meters)... I confess that I prefer girls my size... but I also think that height should not be an issue as it is a physical characteristic and therefore, it is genetic and not within a person's choice or affects their character..... but 2) She did not put any effort on her appearance despite of having the beauty and body of a top model... She was wearing a T-Shit with bobbles that had not even seen better days as had the color and pattern of my grandma's living room curtains... a pair of shorts that might have seen better days, but they were on the verge of not even qualify for a charity donation... and her hair.... I know that some people's hair tend to be oilier, but the beauty industry has developed an extensive and affordable range of products to prevent that.... I want to say at this point that I am not a superficial person, but you never get a second chance for a first impression and she didn't make an effort for the evening. I think that you can tell a lot about a person’s mindset by their presentation, for a start, if they don't take care of themselves you can deduce that they might be lazy (as washing your hair from time to time is not that hard work...), or they might not have control and autonomy over their life... so, by her appearance, I deduced that she was perhaps depressed....
I surprisingly discovered that she wasn't Polish or had any Middle East relatives... I don't know how I got that idea in my mind.... anyway... She was an accountant but she was currently in between jobs (ahhhhh.... maybe that's why she was depressed...)... she was also having a very hard time with coming out (something else that might confirmed the depression hypothesis). I tend to empathize with people that had a hard time coming out since I myself did not came out with rainbows and unicorns.... so I listened to her... and after 30 minutes I definitely diagnosed depression + some possible other insecurities that made her seem very needy... I am not anyone's princess in a white horse that will rescue them from their misery... I believe that of course you need to support your friends and family through tough times, but I don't think that it is a good idea to start dating a stranger that is clearly not in their best moment of their life... unless you like to play that game... If you haven't read it or hear about, there is a very good book called: "Games People Play" where Eric Berne explains his theory of communication and interaction and how couples play games. I don't remember all of them but I could imagine that the 'I am sad and lonely and in need for lots of attention and cuddles' player and the 'I like to rescue lost puppies' player look for each other and create a game ....these games usually fulfil both player's psychological needs but they create a very toxic relationship....
We didn't message each other after that coffee, it was clear that we both realized that there was not chemistry and that we were in different places and times in our lives... I hope that she has overcome all her problems, found a job, got a girlfriend and she is happy now... after all she was very very pretty and seem to be kind-hearted, despite of the fact that she only talked about her-self during coffee...
Anyway, this time the frog did not turned into a princess but I still have hope that someday will....
The Polish-looking tall accountant Story
So, about a year ago I got a message from the Polish-looking extra-tall accountant, not sure through which website, but we ended up exchanging numbers and messaging each other through WhatsApp... I rather met the person in real life soon after you both like each other than investing a lot of time in exchanging a ridiculous amount of texts before knowing if there is feeling or not... so I asked her for coffee... in the meantime, she kept on texting me every 5 seconds with not very relevant information.... I played the game for a bit since we were meeting for coffee in two days and she said that she was bored traveling on a train... but then the day after she started the same game again, she send me a ridiculous amount of messages without very relevant information... so from the beginning I could see that she was a bit needy and possibly a bit intense.... but she was hot... and maybe it was her first time doing the online dating thing and she didn't know the rules... so, I decided not to prejudge her and I met her for coffee....
We met at a coffee place near my house. It took me a while to know who she was as she didn't look like her pictures at all... and it was not due an intensive amount of Photoshop or filters from Instagram, it was just that she happened to choose, maybe strategically, pictures that didn't look like her.... She was still very good looking, but very different from her pictures.... two things that I noticed just from the beginning: 1) she was ridiculously tall, I am 5'3 (160cm), so I know about my height limitations and accept that more than half of the population of women are taller than me, but she was at least 6'5 (2 meters)... I confess that I prefer girls my size... but I also think that height should not be an issue as it is a physical characteristic and therefore, it is genetic and not within a person's choice or affects their character..... but 2) She did not put any effort on her appearance despite of having the beauty and body of a top model... She was wearing a T-Shit with bobbles that had not even seen better days as had the color and pattern of my grandma's living room curtains... a pair of shorts that might have seen better days, but they were on the verge of not even qualify for a charity donation... and her hair.... I know that some people's hair tend to be oilier, but the beauty industry has developed an extensive and affordable range of products to prevent that.... I want to say at this point that I am not a superficial person, but you never get a second chance for a first impression and she didn't make an effort for the evening. I think that you can tell a lot about a person’s mindset by their presentation, for a start, if they don't take care of themselves you can deduce that they might be lazy (as washing your hair from time to time is not that hard work...), or they might not have control and autonomy over their life... so, by her appearance, I deduced that she was perhaps depressed....
I surprisingly discovered that she wasn't Polish or had any Middle East relatives... I don't know how I got that idea in my mind.... anyway... She was an accountant but she was currently in between jobs (ahhhhh.... maybe that's why she was depressed...)... she was also having a very hard time with coming out (something else that might confirmed the depression hypothesis). I tend to empathize with people that had a hard time coming out since I myself did not came out with rainbows and unicorns.... so I listened to her... and after 30 minutes I definitely diagnosed depression + some possible other insecurities that made her seem very needy... I am not anyone's princess in a white horse that will rescue them from their misery... I believe that of course you need to support your friends and family through tough times, but I don't think that it is a good idea to start dating a stranger that is clearly not in their best moment of their life... unless you like to play that game... If you haven't read it or hear about, there is a very good book called: "Games People Play" where Eric Berne explains his theory of communication and interaction and how couples play games. I don't remember all of them but I could imagine that the 'I am sad and lonely and in need for lots of attention and cuddles' player and the 'I like to rescue lost puppies' player look for each other and create a game ....these games usually fulfil both player's psychological needs but they create a very toxic relationship....
We didn't message each other after that coffee, it was clear that we both realized that there was not chemistry and that we were in different places and times in our lives... I hope that she has overcome all her problems, found a job, got a girlfriend and she is happy now... after all she was very very pretty and seem to be kind-hearted, despite of the fact that she only talked about her-self during coffee...
Anyway, this time the frog did not turned into a princess but I still have hope that someday will....
Wednesday, 26 February 2014
Unnamed frogs part I - The Italian Hipster
The way to find love these days in this
online over-connected but highly individualistic society seems to be by going
into an infinite number of dates hoping that someday the frog will turn into a
princess. The belief that love is out there is what keeps me going, however,
the lack of success sometimes makes me doubt about the existence of love. Does
love really exists or it is a myth? And if it does, how do I find it? Why some
people find it and some others don't? I think that everyone fears the thought
of dying alone or just going to sleep alone... and that's why we create online
profiles, send messages to other singles and keep on going to dates...
Anyway, back to my stories, I have a bunch of frogs for which I don't have a name due to their distance in time and/or to the fact that I tend to forget bad, well, I won't say bad, just not so good, dates. Therefore, this post introduces the first of a number of frogs that I went on a date with in my quest to find love.... forget me if I have forgotten your name and you are reading this (very unlikely...), it was not my intention, but we both knew that we had nothing in common and did not keep in touch... so the feeling was mutual...
The Italian Hipster
A couple of years ago I was new to in a big city (far away from my beloved Brighton) and I decided that I needed to meet new people. I was very specific in my profile that I was looking mainly for friends, but leaving the door open in case the ONE would show up.... She was “new in town” too so she contacted me and we decided to go to the LGBT Film Festival and then have a few drinks in the scene.... We met, she didn't look much like her profile picture, well, her pictures were close ups of parts of her face, hands and her back and her tattoos... very artistic I have to say... but they were not very useful for me to get an idea of who she looked like… I guess I imagined differently…
Anyway, back to my stories, I have a bunch of frogs for which I don't have a name due to their distance in time and/or to the fact that I tend to forget bad, well, I won't say bad, just not so good, dates. Therefore, this post introduces the first of a number of frogs that I went on a date with in my quest to find love.... forget me if I have forgotten your name and you are reading this (very unlikely...), it was not my intention, but we both knew that we had nothing in common and did not keep in touch... so the feeling was mutual...
The Italian Hipster
A couple of years ago I was new to in a big city (far away from my beloved Brighton) and I decided that I needed to meet new people. I was very specific in my profile that I was looking mainly for friends, but leaving the door open in case the ONE would show up.... She was “new in town” too so she contacted me and we decided to go to the LGBT Film Festival and then have a few drinks in the scene.... We met, she didn't look much like her profile picture, well, her pictures were close ups of parts of her face, hands and her back and her tattoos... very artistic I have to say... but they were not very useful for me to get an idea of who she looked like… I guess I imagined differently…
I was already expecting that the reality
would be significantly different than the image I constructed in my head from
the pieces of herself that she carefully displayed online...
I didn't perceive much chemistry at first
sight, maybe due to the mismatch between the idealistic image of her and the
reality. She was a very extreme hipster. I like alternative people, I always
wanted to be as cool as them and I pretended during my teens to be also
"alternative", but it is too hard to keep it up... and ended up
turning back into the main stream world... I buy my clothes at shopping centers
and listen to music that is played on the radio, being alternative takes so
much time... you need to search for clothes in small shops that non-alternative
people can't see, a bit like the Diagon Alley in Harry Potter
that can only be seeing by magical people, in this case by
"alternative" people... and also, in order to be a real hipster, you
need time to be politically committed with social causes and go to
demonstrations and in some extreme versions, you might also want to restrain
your diet from meat, dairy products and eggs, but keeping track of how to
substitute those products by doing research... you also need to buy sustainable
and local stuff which I always support, but it takes more time to go to
farmer's markets than it takes to do all your shopping at Sainsbury... Don't
get me wrong, I do support social causes and the fight for injustice, but I'm
not very politically involved. I accept the fact that being hipster is like
being gay, you either born this way or not, and the pretending is very
exhausting... therefore, I embrace happily my average main stream condition...
Back to the unnamed frog Nº1: We met and went to the cinema, that part was easy, not much talking... then we decided to go for a drink at a gay bar, at this point I put my cards on the table, I told her that I was more looking for friendship and that we could enjoy the night... we entered in the bar and my date instantly fancied a girl.... I agreed to help her in her approach and used the technique of... - Hi, we are “new in town”, what is going on tonight? Where can we go after to look for some fun?... and worked, soon after she was talking to the girl and I was making small talk with her friend.... Anyway, the hipster and the girl seem to be hitting it off... my new friend asked me about how did I know the hipster.... to what I answered that we met online (I'm not ashamed of my online dating behavior). I also reciprocated the question and asked her about the girl that the Italian hipster was talking to, to what she answered that they worked together at the police station.... by the time she said that... the hipster and the girl were leaving through the door together.... I smiled and asked to my new friend: your friend does not happen to be an undercover cop or something.... ? to what my friend answered.... why are you asking...? and I said: well.... the hipster wanted to smoke some weed after the drink, but I guess that now she found the perfect company to do so... so my new friend and I laughed... the hipster probably got a nice fine and left without saying goodbye as I did not hear back from her at all... (or perhaps went home with the undercover cop.... but my new friend told me that it was not her type.....) I finished my drink and conversation with my new friend and I went home... After that night I bumped into my police officer friend a couple of times at the scene and we ended up being friends (until she got a girlfriend and stopped going out on the scene...) ... it's funny how the universe works... I made a friend on an online date with someone else that I’ve already forgot her name….
Back to the unnamed frog Nº1: We met and went to the cinema, that part was easy, not much talking... then we decided to go for a drink at a gay bar, at this point I put my cards on the table, I told her that I was more looking for friendship and that we could enjoy the night... we entered in the bar and my date instantly fancied a girl.... I agreed to help her in her approach and used the technique of... - Hi, we are “new in town”, what is going on tonight? Where can we go after to look for some fun?... and worked, soon after she was talking to the girl and I was making small talk with her friend.... Anyway, the hipster and the girl seem to be hitting it off... my new friend asked me about how did I know the hipster.... to what I answered that we met online (I'm not ashamed of my online dating behavior). I also reciprocated the question and asked her about the girl that the Italian hipster was talking to, to what she answered that they worked together at the police station.... by the time she said that... the hipster and the girl were leaving through the door together.... I smiled and asked to my new friend: your friend does not happen to be an undercover cop or something.... ? to what my friend answered.... why are you asking...? and I said: well.... the hipster wanted to smoke some weed after the drink, but I guess that now she found the perfect company to do so... so my new friend and I laughed... the hipster probably got a nice fine and left without saying goodbye as I did not hear back from her at all... (or perhaps went home with the undercover cop.... but my new friend told me that it was not her type.....) I finished my drink and conversation with my new friend and I went home... After that night I bumped into my police officer friend a couple of times at the scene and we ended up being friends (until she got a girlfriend and stopped going out on the scene...) ... it's funny how the universe works... I made a friend on an online date with someone else that I’ve already forgot her name….
Tuesday, 18 February 2014
Brighton Beach + Seagulls + Alcohol
Laurent's Story
I contacted Laurent at the begging of the summer through one of my multiple online profiles. I have seen her profile in several sites, so I could tell that she was “new in town” and was looking for love (I think that perhaps she was more looking for a one-night stand... but I tend to be very innocent and think that everyone is looking for love and romance...).
She had a contagious smile and big red lips, blue eyes and dark hair with half of her hair shaved (very trendy among lesbians and/or feminists these days in Brighton....). She was what I call a "Brighton Fahsion Victim", a mix between a trendy hipster and a 60's hippie bohemian. She also commented that she loved to dance to electro music and enjoyed a good night out with plenty of booze, cigarettes and other soft (or not that soft) drugs if they were nearby.
We meet at the Brighton Pier around six in the afternoon, which in British time tends to be after dinner, but as I am from the continent I didn't eat anything before going on my date. I thought that we were going to go for a quick coffee/tea, and this is usually a 1-hour date... So, I planned to have my dinner after the date... Bad planning!
She told me that she had been already drinking (2 pints and a few shots of whiskey she confessed after...) and therefore, she proposed to buy some more booze and go to the beach. I accepted her offer and we went to an off-license to get some beers. I was going to get the usual light beer for lame drinkers: Corona, but she looked at me funny and took 4 long cans of Kronenbourg and we hit the beach.
The conversation flowed naturally (the beer helped). She had done illustration at University but had no intention of working in that field anymore. She was looking for a bar job to pay her bills while she was enjoying the night (and day) life in Brighton. She just moved from a small village and the city (for me very small) was a huge paradise for her.
We agreed on the "amazingness" of Brighton (one thing in common)... but we seem to have very different backgrounds and life aspirations... But I thought that perhaps, I should relax and enjoy the afternoon with an oversize can of beer and attractive company for once... - Life is too short! was the little devil inside my head shouting..... After all, I need to be less uptight and stop overthinking everything in my life...
At some point on the cloudy deserted beach, we got surrounded by angry seagulls that were throwing pebbles from the sky... She commented that it was a mating ritual and that the male seagulls do it to grab the attention of the female seagulls...
How interesting? I thought! She knew about animal mating rituals... I was impressed!!!
It makes sense that male stupidity might also exist among seagulls... I am often amazed by how many guys throw pebbles at the sea or at other objects (usually oversize beer cans) at the beach in a competitive ritual to see who gets their stone further... How fascinating it was that the same behaviour can also be found in animals...
Anyway, back to Laurent (which of course is not her real name). After the beach, we went to a cafe place, my intention was to order some food but she came back from the bar with two more beers and the message that the kitchen was closed.... oh well... at that point I should have stopped, go home, have dinner and think whether or not she was going to get a second date.... but the alcohol made me stay... after that third beer we tried to get food in another place, but the kitchen was also closed.... But it was happy hour in the place next door..... so, one more beer and some dancing followed....
At that point, I was drunk but sober enough to know that more alcohol was a bad idea, so I decided to stop with the booze. However, my companion seemed that had only started...
We dance and I bumped into a friend of mine and her girlfriend. They got us some shots and another round... I was definitely quite drunk at that point.... more dancing followed and suddenly some kissing!
We dance a bit more... or perhaps a lot more... I don't remember... but at some point I said:
"I am very very hungry, I'm going to get some chips, do you want to come?" and she did.
As I lived at the time in the corner of the most famous 24h Fish&Chips places in Brighton, we ended up in my house... I think that she pulled the trick of... I need to use your bathroom.... but I was drunk... so I felt for it...
She entered in my house and went straight to the toilet to puke her guts out... I was in the corridor feeling awful... not for her, but for me as I was going to have to clean that the next morning...
When she came out of the toilet, she rolled a cigarette... but after two drags she told me that she was feeling very bad and asked me if she could crash in my bed... and since I am a nice person and said: Of course! Thinking... Bad idea....!!! Bad idea!!!
And of course, she took all the bed and covers leaving me with a small space and no duvet left, but as I was still drunk and I fell asleep quickly anyway...
I woke up for work earlier the next morning (I didn't mention that it was a Thursday date, well, now been extended to Friday)... She was sleeping and perhaps pretending not to hear me waking up... I had a shower, had my breakfast and got ready, bad thing was that I mentioned that I could work from home the night before on the spur of the moment... and she took it as "working from home" day, but I actually needed to do some work.
She apparently had no intention to leave my bed as she was probably still drunk... She send me 'the look' of “come to join me in your bed” a couple of times... but I was not drunk anymore and therefore the "one-night-stand idea" from the night before seemed a bad idea the morning. After all, it was going against my principles and my search for true love.... So, at that point I started to get a bit annoyed at her.... she was being very needy and I had to do some work so I wanted her to leave.... But how do I say it?
Rule Nº1 of a one-night stand: NEVER take the girl to your place, otherwise you can't leave.... and I am way too polite to kick anyone out.... So, two or three hours later, while I was working and she was sleeping (pretending?), she got the hint and decided to leave.... I have to confess that if the night would have stopped in the first bar, I probably would have called her back again for a second date...but the night didn't end there...
However, even if there was no second date, we kept in touch for a while through WhatsApp. I did like her, perhaps more as a friend than as a potential girlfriend and is never a bad idea to expand your network of friends. However, neither of us made the effort to meet up again... I have seen her on nights out in Brighton, first, we talked a bit... but lately it seems that we avoid each other... I confess that I did avoid her the last time I saw her at Revenge (The only gay club in Brighton), but it was because I was with another online date that I liked (another story to come...).
We could have been friends... but you know how the online world works.... you pretend to keep in touch, to be friends... but you never are...
The rule of the online dating world apparently is: "keep your past dates close in case the current ones fail as a back up".... but I don't like to have backup plans... I don't like being on my own, but I think that the awkward feeling the morning after a meaningless hook-up is even worst... it makes me feel a bit empty inside. Perhaps this is just the consequence of watching too many Disney movies during my childhood, but.... I still (want to) believe in love so... I will keep looking... Laurent was not the one!
PS: She left a pair of white ankle shocks at my house that I washed and now use for the gym.... is that weird... ???
Some nights you just need to pretend that never happened....
I contacted Laurent at the begging of the summer through one of my multiple online profiles. I have seen her profile in several sites, so I could tell that she was “new in town” and was looking for love (I think that perhaps she was more looking for a one-night stand... but I tend to be very innocent and think that everyone is looking for love and romance...).
She had a contagious smile and big red lips, blue eyes and dark hair with half of her hair shaved (very trendy among lesbians and/or feminists these days in Brighton....). She was what I call a "Brighton Fahsion Victim", a mix between a trendy hipster and a 60's hippie bohemian. She also commented that she loved to dance to electro music and enjoyed a good night out with plenty of booze, cigarettes and other soft (or not that soft) drugs if they were nearby.
We meet at the Brighton Pier around six in the afternoon, which in British time tends to be after dinner, but as I am from the continent I didn't eat anything before going on my date. I thought that we were going to go for a quick coffee/tea, and this is usually a 1-hour date... So, I planned to have my dinner after the date... Bad planning!
She told me that she had been already drinking (2 pints and a few shots of whiskey she confessed after...) and therefore, she proposed to buy some more booze and go to the beach. I accepted her offer and we went to an off-license to get some beers. I was going to get the usual light beer for lame drinkers: Corona, but she looked at me funny and took 4 long cans of Kronenbourg and we hit the beach.
The conversation flowed naturally (the beer helped). She had done illustration at University but had no intention of working in that field anymore. She was looking for a bar job to pay her bills while she was enjoying the night (and day) life in Brighton. She just moved from a small village and the city (for me very small) was a huge paradise for her.
We agreed on the "amazingness" of Brighton (one thing in common)... but we seem to have very different backgrounds and life aspirations... But I thought that perhaps, I should relax and enjoy the afternoon with an oversize can of beer and attractive company for once... - Life is too short! was the little devil inside my head shouting..... After all, I need to be less uptight and stop overthinking everything in my life...
At some point on the cloudy deserted beach, we got surrounded by angry seagulls that were throwing pebbles from the sky... She commented that it was a mating ritual and that the male seagulls do it to grab the attention of the female seagulls...
How interesting? I thought! She knew about animal mating rituals... I was impressed!!!
It makes sense that male stupidity might also exist among seagulls... I am often amazed by how many guys throw pebbles at the sea or at other objects (usually oversize beer cans) at the beach in a competitive ritual to see who gets their stone further... How fascinating it was that the same behaviour can also be found in animals...
Anyway, back to Laurent (which of course is not her real name). After the beach, we went to a cafe place, my intention was to order some food but she came back from the bar with two more beers and the message that the kitchen was closed.... oh well... at that point I should have stopped, go home, have dinner and think whether or not she was going to get a second date.... but the alcohol made me stay... after that third beer we tried to get food in another place, but the kitchen was also closed.... But it was happy hour in the place next door..... so, one more beer and some dancing followed....
At that point, I was drunk but sober enough to know that more alcohol was a bad idea, so I decided to stop with the booze. However, my companion seemed that had only started...
We dance and I bumped into a friend of mine and her girlfriend. They got us some shots and another round... I was definitely quite drunk at that point.... more dancing followed and suddenly some kissing!
We dance a bit more... or perhaps a lot more... I don't remember... but at some point I said:
"I am very very hungry, I'm going to get some chips, do you want to come?" and she did.
As I lived at the time in the corner of the most famous 24h Fish&Chips places in Brighton, we ended up in my house... I think that she pulled the trick of... I need to use your bathroom.... but I was drunk... so I felt for it...
She entered in my house and went straight to the toilet to puke her guts out... I was in the corridor feeling awful... not for her, but for me as I was going to have to clean that the next morning...
When she came out of the toilet, she rolled a cigarette... but after two drags she told me that she was feeling very bad and asked me if she could crash in my bed... and since I am a nice person and said: Of course! Thinking... Bad idea....!!! Bad idea!!!
And of course, she took all the bed and covers leaving me with a small space and no duvet left, but as I was still drunk and I fell asleep quickly anyway...
I woke up for work earlier the next morning (I didn't mention that it was a Thursday date, well, now been extended to Friday)... She was sleeping and perhaps pretending not to hear me waking up... I had a shower, had my breakfast and got ready, bad thing was that I mentioned that I could work from home the night before on the spur of the moment... and she took it as "working from home" day, but I actually needed to do some work.
She apparently had no intention to leave my bed as she was probably still drunk... She send me 'the look' of “come to join me in your bed” a couple of times... but I was not drunk anymore and therefore the "one-night-stand idea" from the night before seemed a bad idea the morning. After all, it was going against my principles and my search for true love.... So, at that point I started to get a bit annoyed at her.... she was being very needy and I had to do some work so I wanted her to leave.... But how do I say it?
Rule Nº1 of a one-night stand: NEVER take the girl to your place, otherwise you can't leave.... and I am way too polite to kick anyone out.... So, two or three hours later, while I was working and she was sleeping (pretending?), she got the hint and decided to leave.... I have to confess that if the night would have stopped in the first bar, I probably would have called her back again for a second date...but the night didn't end there...
However, even if there was no second date, we kept in touch for a while through WhatsApp. I did like her, perhaps more as a friend than as a potential girlfriend and is never a bad idea to expand your network of friends. However, neither of us made the effort to meet up again... I have seen her on nights out in Brighton, first, we talked a bit... but lately it seems that we avoid each other... I confess that I did avoid her the last time I saw her at Revenge (The only gay club in Brighton), but it was because I was with another online date that I liked (another story to come...).
We could have been friends... but you know how the online world works.... you pretend to keep in touch, to be friends... but you never are...
The rule of the online dating world apparently is: "keep your past dates close in case the current ones fail as a back up".... but I don't like to have backup plans... I don't like being on my own, but I think that the awkward feeling the morning after a meaningless hook-up is even worst... it makes me feel a bit empty inside. Perhaps this is just the consequence of watching too many Disney movies during my childhood, but.... I still (want to) believe in love so... I will keep looking... Laurent was not the one!
PS: She left a pair of white ankle shocks at my house that I washed and now use for the gym.... is that weird... ???
Some nights you just need to pretend that never happened....
Picture taken in Las Vegas September 2014
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