7 common break-up lines: what do they really mean!

Have you been dumped with a ready-made break-up line and wondered what did it really mean? Based on my experience as an online (and offline) serial dater, I learned to decode the Rejector -Rejected language. Here is a list of some common break-up lines and my possible interpretations.

A note of warning before reading this post: My translation skills are not perfect. The true meaning behind the words of your rejector can only be explained by that person. Asking for some extra elaboration straight from the source in case of confusion is always recommended. However, not always getting in touch with former lovers for answers is an option. My humble guide aims to help rejected ones with getting some closure.

1. Is not you, it's me = I don't think that you are right for me.

If you think carefully about this cliché line, in a way it is saying that it is you... but also them! They feel that you are just not right for them, but you will be definitely suitable for someone else... Keep looking and you will find someone that feels differently about you. There's a lid for every pot!

2. I don't think that this is working anymore = I can't be bothered to make this work anymore.

For whatever reason, your ex-lover doesn’t want to invest more time and effort in you and your story. Unfortunately, you can't force someone to love you, so it might be time to move on! The world is full of people that are ready to love, so don't waste your time with someone who isn't!

3. I don't see where this is going = I don't see any future with you.

They probably don't even know where they want to go in the first place... But one thing is sure, that you are not in their future plans. Not being in someone else's future plans is always painful but think that always the future is uncertain... a lot of things can happen like meeting someone that can see the future with you. Keep looking!

4. I'm not LOOKING for a relationship right now = I don't want to be in a relationship with YOU, but if I find someone else that interests me enough, I'll definitely give it a go...

Don't be surprised if a few months down the line you bump into your "ex" on the street and they are already married and waiting for their first child... Nobody is looking for a relationship, but if they find someone that makes them feel "that thing" that everyone talks about, they will jump into it. You should be with someone that is ready to jump with you... You deserve it! 

5. I don't have TIME for a relationship right now. I'm very busy and/or stressed out with work at the moment = I can be bothered to spend more time with you and blame it on my work.

If you really want to see someone, you make the time somehow! Don't wait for them, they are not going to be less busy in the near future for you... It's their loss!! If they don't want to make time for you, find someone else who will!

6. I'm just not READY for a relationship right now = I still have unresolved feelings for somebody else.

Who is ever ready for a relationship? If you are genuinely interested in someone, you just don't think about being ready or not, you just jump into whatever there is... So, it might be that there is something else holding them from jumping... Again, it's their loss!! If they are not emotionally available, find someone who is!

7. I met someone else = I met someone else.

If you hear this words at least you should be grateful that they are telling you the truth. If they were able to met someone else, so are you.... take some time if you need, but put yourself out there again to find someone else too!

The general meaning behind these common break-up lines is that THEY WERE PROBABLY NOT THAT INTO YOU AND YOU SHOULD MOVE ON!

I don't understand why people try to be nice when breaking up with someone! A breakup is a break-up and it will hurt regardless of the way that it is served. Honesty over politeness should always be a MUST when breaking up with someone...

I think that for once in my life I would like someone to break up with me with the honest and blunt line "I'm just not that into you" Why do people try to be nice? If you are breaking up with someone, so you are hurting them anyway, you might as well save them the trouble of wondering "what did they really mean" if you just say what you mean and feel.

The good news for you is that research on breakups says that over time the one that does the break up usually ends up having in high regard the person that they dumped. However, if you are the one that is being rejected, you will start to develop negative feelings for that person as they hurt you. It is our own psychological immune system that protects us from being hurt by that person again.

There are plenty of singles out there looking to meet their other half, so get out there as you might be luckier next time...

Look both ways. San Francisco, 2014.

The gap between Disney and Reality creates me anxiety!

The title of this post is the epiphany that I had the other day when I was talking to one of my housemates about love... I thought that my realization deserved a post! So, here is my non-sense mumbling about love...

In this over-saturated Tinder-love market dominated by use-and-throw-away relationships... Romance is dead! 

I know that my previous statement might sound a bit strong, but that is my view of love in this Tinder-oriented-society. That has been my experience of love in the XXI century as a lesbian women dating in the online world in a mildly progressive city of Brighton. Watching lovers coming and going and getting my heart broken every so often...

No one cares about breaking your heart anymore, as at the end of the day, we are all strangers in the online net. One day, you might wake up and discover that you have stop caring about your heart too...You have lost it somewhere... sometime... along the way in one or few of those past love stories with a disappointing ending... But there is still a last part of you that still want to believe in love and romance.

I STILL want to believe IN LOVE & ROMANCE!

The other day, I found myself having some strange mix of emotions when waiting for someone to answer me a silly message. I realized that I'm just a lonely lost girl in this world, keen on finding someone to share a connection... Desperate to believe that I will find that connection and fearing at the same the inevitable disappointing-ending that have always come with every past love story...

Some days, I really want a Disney-like-princess to appear on my door step with a bucket of flowers and a big smile... Have some romance in my life, but in reality, only grumpy delivery guys with parking problems knock at my door...

I STILL want to believe that there will be someone that will save me from becoming a Tinder-addict, save me from the apocalypses of romance in the online world...  I guess that my Disney like idea of love conflicts with my reality... and that is what creates me most of my love anxieties...

Should I still believe in love despite of the fact that the evidence of my reality has show me that is it just not there (like UFO's)? Should I give up and just go with the Tinder-flow of one-night stand and at least have some fun in the meantime? 

Why some people find love and others don't? Why some couples last until the day they die and others don´t? What keeps a couple together? 

What is love anyway? Is there only one type of love? Do people feel love equally? Is the balance on the intensity of the feeling between couples what keeps them together? What does your partner thinks is love? Does sharing a matching concept of love bring people together?

If any of my few readers have an answer to any of these questions, please, feel free to leave a comment below...

It is clear that there is not perfect love as nobody is perfect even (if they believe that they are...) and it will be foolish to think that I'm going to find a perfect love and that there is a Disney princess waiting for me.... But I like to keep believing that romance can happen.... I guess that I am still a believer!

My off-line off-dating new year's resolution for 2015!

In the past, I've always included 'finding love' among my New Year's resolution list. My first online date happened soon after I opened an account on Gaydargirls on January 2008. My 'I want to believe' story started also after Christmas when, while reading 'The Rosie Project', I decided to apply a scientific approach to love and find my highest match on OkCupid... But this year, I'm going to cross out love off my list as love is a feeling and it should not be treated as a goal.

Trying to find a feeling by taking a shortcut and planning to spend some short (but often uncomfortable) time with a stranger is not working for me. I'm not saying that love can not be found in the cyberspace, I know a few couples that have met online but, I've come to the conclusion that, for me, online dating is missing something...

Perhaps, is missing the excitement that the uncertainty of not knowing when that feeling is going to bloom that real life brings..... When planning an online date with a stranger, were are scheduling that love might or might not be happening at a particular time (usually after 19) and a particular place (usually in one of the cafes at Kensington Gardens). That 'love-planing process' brings a lot of pressure and awkwardness and doesn't help to create an ideal environment for spontaneity...  I seem to work better out of pressure...

For example, a few nights ago around 4 am, I woke up with the structure of the next chapter for my PhD on my mind... I had to switch on the lights and grab some post-its as my mind was on fire and ready to shoot me some good ideas... So, if the feeling of creativity comes as a flow that you need to grab according to my experience (and also according to Elizabeth Gilbert), love might also come as a stream of energy that I'm not able to feel in the restricted and forced conditions of a date with a stranger.....

Therefore, this year, I've decided to stop forcing love... In 2015 I'm going to give it a try and collect only first real impressions of people instead of swiping right and left on a phone screen... Profile pictures never show the real person, usually, they are only frozen frames that have been strategically chosen and/or are distorted from reality with Photoshop or some other sort of Instagram filter to create a fake impression of how someone wants to be perceived..... I wonder why everyone online seem to have a picture with sunglasses when the eyes are the door to someone's soul?

Another thing that online dating is missing for me is the day-to-day spontaneous encounters... A few nights ago, some friends and I were trying to determine the conditions of when and how we have felt love in the past and, we all agreed that love always started when we casually bumped repeatedly into someone in informal situations such as a film club, friends of friends parties, the water fountain at the office or at that Friday morning seminar.... it seems that meeting someone free of  'romantic objectives' and out of 'your life plans' are the key ingredients for romance......

Moreover, when meeting someone online, the single and available status is already assumed, however, when the encounter happens in real life, there is a lack of information that might leave us wondering if that girl, or that boy with whom we have shared a brief connection was flitting or not and so, finding their relationship status becomes our next mission...

I have collected very nice experiences in the past from the online dating world however, in 2015 I want to start collecting more 'offline real life' experiences and less fake and forced 'online dating' ones...

Where is my Cinderella? 
Lonely shoe found at Brighton Beach (2014)

PD: This is not the end of my blog, I have a few stories queuing up (online and offline) waiting to be narrated... However, I might rename the blog to include my offline stories in the title...